Last Week #10 | It's Always Sunny in #frelidalphia

 A year ago, all of this would have seemed like a dream.  For instance, the fact that I spent the Thursday before Memorial Day in a car crossing state lines with my friends and boyfriend, for a weekend of relaxation? Impossible. You may not know this about me, but much of my anxiety is related to sleeping in new places. So vacations, sleepovers, and weekend trips are things I've come to avoid. But when Kelsey and Sam suggested we take a trip to Philadelphia to visit the infamous La Colombe and just have fun for a weekend, I couldn't turn it down. So I spent the last few months since we booked the trip practicing, preparing, meditating, doing yoga and trying to get myself to a good mental place before we left. 

And when the worst case scenario happened, I survived. I started to have an anxiety attack, late at night when it was time for bed, and I worked through it alone. And then we worked through it together. Things weren’t always perfect on this trip. We got on each other’s nerves, we made mistakes, but most importantly, we learned and grew in spite of it. My friendships and relationships with these people are stronger as a result. I’m glad I nearly had an anxiety attack. Because I'm, no-- we're, freaking better for it. 

On the second day we met up with friends from home, serendipitously in the city the same weekend as us. As we sat there in a strange place talking about the life we'd been living miles away from home, I thought about how nothing new is impossible if you have the right people by your side. Any place can feel like home with them. And it suddenly dawned on me how two of our friends made the seemingly impossible decision to pick up and move to the other side of the country. It’s because they had each other. In that moment I realized that I could do the same, with these people. Because I already had. I took a huge step this weekend. I chose to say "fuck you" to my anxiety and do something I wanted to do anyway. That's no small feat, and a lot of the credit should probably go to me, for being strong enough to do it. But a sizable portion of that credit should be given to my friends, for creating an environment in which I felt safe enough to take chances my anxiety ordinarily wouldn't let me take.

I’ve been thinking a lot about family lately. Who matters, and more specifically why they matter. It's different for everyone, but I think some people cling to the archaic, dictionary definition of family in the hopes of keeping the status quo. But that doesn’t always work. If people are meant to, they will drift away regardless of whether or not you dig your heels in and demand they stay. Family is however you define it. For me, it is a hybrid. It’s the people I live with, sure, but it’s also the people I want to live with. It’s my best friend, her boyfriend, my boyfriend. It’s my boyfriend’s family. It’s my mentors, my therapist, my teachers, the people who inspire me and help me to live my best life. It’s the people who care, basically. 

On this trip, I think I saw a flash of the future. I saw a version of us that I suspect could be the real us. A group of genuinely happy people, full of life and love to give. Talented people who are going places. I knew that about us before, but I saw it more clearly in the bright Philadelphia sunlight. 

For me, this meant letting things go. I’m always connected. To technology, to the world, to my worries and anxiety, to this clear cut version of myself I have in my head. I reply to emails within a few hours of when I receive them (if not minutes). I'm practical. I don't like concerts. I can't go on trips because I have anxiety. But this weekend, I simply didn’t do that. I quit cold turkey. I checked my email maybe once a day, but never replied. I watched the anxieties and worries passing through my head, but didn't buy in or subscribe to any of them. I was as impractical and silly as I am physically capable of being. I went to a concert that I actually loved, discovered why people love concerts, and realized that I would see that artist a million more times live. And I learned something that’s kind of life changing. Nothing matters as much as I think it does in the moment. Like, maybe the long weekend vibes got to me, but I just felt like nothing was all that pressing. I wasn't really missing anything by being off the grid. The grid could wait. I could take time to myself, because people don’t actually email me as much as I think they do. At 9:30 am on a Friday, I laid in my bed in Philadelphia listening to Phil Collins’ Drum Duet and writing, having left all my stress back home. 

You can watch my weekly vlog from this week right here. It's one of my favorites. I can tell this will be a vlog I watch when times are tough, to remind me that it will be okay, or at least... it's always sunny in #frelidalphia.

-Fran

Last Week #2

 This week, I was pretty worried. Stressed. Anxious. There were a lot of things that needed to get done in a seemingly minuscule amount of time. I had meetings and projects to finish and a life to live in between all of that. I'm always feeling like there isn't enough time. Time to get things done, and time with the people I love especially. But at the end of this week, looking back on the footage, I realized that those moments, that time, was there. It existed, just on a smaller scale than I'd imagined. Than I'd like.

 My note to myself last week (I have a new one every week, a sort of weekly mantra that I can keep going back to throughout the week) was: "Nothing takes as long as you think. It's all manageable." I know that technically, some things take a long time, and I have to accept that. But sometimes the big things feel really big, and they create this huge road block in my mind that keeps me from thinking about anything else until they're done. So this reminder kept me grounded, calmed me down, and motivated me all at once.

 This week was good. It wasn't as eventful, as action packed and notably, viscerally fantastic as last week, but that's okay. The quiet moments keep you grounded and allow you to refuel for the next big ones. And they're coming my way. So I'm glad I had these last seven days to recharge and prepare for what's to come. I hope you enjoy the footage of these happy, relaxed moments. I enjoyed living them.

-Fran

Last Week #1

 I have been making weekly vlogs every week since about April of 2015, and I've decided I'm going to start sharing them with you here. This may become a Monday feature in the future, but for now, have it today. 

 My reminder to myself last week was, "To enjoy the moments in between the chaos. See how your hard work has paid off." And that's exactly what I did, incidentally enough. Last week was kind of everything I want my life to look like, all the time. I caught up with friends and teachers, I worked, I saw that work pay off in print, I watched shows I love, I spent quality alone time with the person I love, I challenged myself with new experiences, and I prepared the final episode of the show I've worked so hard on for the last year, for publication. I saw things coming to a close and things just beginning. This is what last week looked like.

 I can only hope to be so lucky that the coming weeks will hold more of the same challenges and celebrations as this one did.

-Fran

Not Over OVERDUE

 So...OVERDUE (my YouTube web series that has been premiering since August 2015) is over. The final episode went live on Friday night, March 25th, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. My emotions are a mixture of happy and sad, to be sure.

I mean, this project has taken up the last year of my life. And while there was a sadness that overtook me when we finished filming, the sadness I feel now is much more subtle, and yet greater. That sadness was palpable. This one is vague, rippling under the surface, overwhelming me in unexpected moments of vulnerability.

You all know that one of my favorite pastimes (because I am a nostalgic piece of garbage), is looking back. Seeing where I was then compared to where I sit now.

In August, I was terrified. I was afraid of people leaving and my life changing and new challenges and what all of these chances I was taking would mean for my future.

In March, I am still terrified, but more confident. I'm more sure of everything I'm doing. I'm surer with every passing day that what I'm doing is right for me.

In August, I had a little get-together at my house on the night the first episode was released. My good friends Sam and Kelsey were there with plenty of good food, as was Eli, the guy who made the theme song, who I didn't really know at that point. I sat next to him on the couch, unsure, uncomfortable, but wanting to be closer.

In March, that same group of four watched the final episode on my laptop in Sam & Kelsey's coffee shop. Then Sam, Kelsey, and Eli took me to dinner to celebrate. I sat close to Eli, knowing there wasn't a limit to how close I could get anymore.

 So much has changed, and so much has happened as a result of this show. This chance I took that I was scared every single day of ruining, of mucking up, has brought so much love and light and life into my world. And I think the fact that I'm so sad to see it go is an indicator of how right I was to take this chance, and a message to my future self to take more.

We're all overdue for something.
Maybe I was overdue for taking a few chances.

-Fran

P.S.- The playlist with all the episodes, minisodes, and trailers is right here, if you're interested in watching!

S I X M O N T H S

 In the last six months...

People moved away. People started a business. People quit their jobs. Two people started a relationship...and not only kept it going, but kept it growing. 

I know in relationship terms six months is barely anything. But for someone who has never been in one before (make that two someone's), it's everything. It can be summed up in the words he said to me on Monday: "Cause we've been dating for six months, and that's a big deal. And I don't want every six months to be a big deal, but years and years."

The fact is I've loved every second we've been together. Even the hard ones where one or both of us were in pain and we had to coax it out from where it was hiding and festering and see it, feel it, and even though it hurt, try to heal it. 

This has been a happy, painful, joyful, healing six months. So much has happened. And while I know I could do it all without him by my side, (I'm an independent woman after all: I lived 19 years without him, and I know I'm capable of more) I don't want to. We're right for each other. I can't wait for the coming moments, but I love the ones we're in. 

Yesterday we spent the day in Rochester, where it kind of all began for us six months ago. We went to three coffee shops in a row, and even though I don't drink coffee, I loved it. I love the coffee shop atmosphere, (as well as really good waffles and next-level tea) and I loved exploring new places with a person I love. Then we hit up this little crystal shop, where I went a little crazy but at the same time maybe I didn't go crazy enough. Last, but certainly not least, was Lush. I bought gifts for my sister for her birthday and "Treat Yo Self" gifts for me, which explains why the number on the receipt was so high. 

I finished the day by doing something that scared the life out of every cell in my body. I was a guest on a local YouTube show, The Life of Reilley, promoting OVERDUE. 

At the end of it, when I was feeling the adrenaline drain from my body and starting to slump over from exhaustion, I recalled what our dear friend Lottie told us to do as she left for California. To take care of ourselves and keep following our dreams. Yesterday I did both, and I'm just so glad I have this group of people to hold my hand while I do it. 

Eli, thanks for dating me. I love you and I like you more every day. 

Sam and Kelsey and Lottie and John, thanks for being my friend. You're the support system that my body wasn't built with, but needs nonetheless. 

I think it's important, whether you're in a relationship or not, to take a step back every few months and evaluate where you are now in comparison to where you were then. Because it's so easy to forget how far we've come, and downplay our achievements. But they're there, because we've made them happen. 


 -Fran

This Week [#4: Coming Together]

 Though not technically the fourth week in this series, it's my fourth week of making this style of blog post. Sometimes the weeks get away from you, which is why I'm trying to make the effort to work on this each day of the week, which ensures the mindfulness I'm after.

 Monday: Treating yourself to a self-love day. Starting the day with a bath, writing some essays, and taking a long walk that takes you both to where you've been and where you are. It's a weird, metaphorical day.

 Tuesday: The day when you breathe a sigh of relief at all of the "FINALLY"'s coming your way. FINALLY finding the perfect Christmas presents for the people in your life who deserve it so much. FINALLY painting again, even if it's something small, after close to a year of not picking up a brush. FINALLY seeing the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them trailer, after two years of eagerly anticipating the Eddie Redmayne led return to the Wizarding World you've loved your whole life. FINALLY working on that essay you said you'd start all day.  Finally, finally, finally.

 Wednesday: Tackling huge problems that feel like the end of the world, and realizing the people that validate and support you most aren't necessarily the people you'd expect.

 Thursday: Crushing it. Accomplishing all of the things you put off, then having a miniature Star Wars re-watch and deciding you love Han Solo (among others).

 Friday: To grandmother's house we go. Nearly freezing to death taking pictures by a lake you've loved your whole life, with someone who you've just begun to love. Realizing that it doesn't take much to make certain people happy, but what matters is that you choose to do it.

 Saturday: Finally feeling useful and watching your friends' business grow and thrive in front of your eyes. Then watching the person you love geek the hell out over Star Wars, and loving it because of how much you love him.

  Sunday: Having hard conversations, watching an iconic Diane Keaton movie, and correctly guessing the writer of said movie. (Nancy Meyers for the win.)

 It's fascinating to me how easily stressful things can become fun and beautiful when you're with the right people. I used to dread trips to see extended family. But Friday I had the best time I've ever had at my grandparent's house. Maybe it's that I've grown up, and maybe it's because of who I was with, and maybe it's both. Ordinarily, I would be horrified by a movie theater packed with overly excited nerds. Saturday, it wasn't at all scary. It was beautiful and fun and light and full of giddy happiness. This week I realized something I've suspected for a while: people are the difference.

 -Fran

This Week [#2: A Little Out of Focus]

Welcome to my week. It was a little out of focus.

  Mondays: When you get boring, mundane things done and it makes you feel like the king of the world... Like finishing a book you've been reading for a month, finishing season 2 of 30 Rock, cleaning your car, and doing laundry.

 Tuesdays: The great thing about going out to breakfast is that it's one less thing you have to do before you leave when you inevitably get up too late because you were having a dream about Evan Peters.

 Wednesdays: When you surprise yourself by writing essays and then the world gets very exhausting.

Thursdays: When you do yoga, draft essays and then FaceTime a two year old.

 Fridays: When you get a check in the mail that you weren't expecting, which feels like a sign from the universe that you're on the right track, so you decide to go home the long way round and experience some truly gorgeous views.

 Saturdays: When you find yourself scream-singing the new Adele album, both with your best friend in her coffee shop at too early of an hour, and alone in your car at a much later one.

Sundays: When you go to "breakfast" that ends up being both breakfast and lunch, (but not brunch) and then buy too many cozy winter items at Target, and then feel the sweet relief of knowing that your favorite character is okay.

This week, I felt a little out of focus. A little all over the place. I got things done without planning to, and other things cropped up that I didn't plan either. Basically, it was a week of the unexpected, the unplanned, but not unpleasantly so. I felt out of focus, off kilter, but life was still beautiful. I'm excited for the coming week of holidays and being reunited with people I love. Thinking about that as I go into this week. I like this blog format, because it's a place to catch my thoughts as they come. It's usually formal and polished, but it's also natural.

  -Fran

Treat. Yo. Self.

This weekend was a little slice of heaven. If the past three days are any indication of what my adult life will be, I'm in. Sign me up. Saturday morning I drove into the sunrise to spend the morning at Peaks Coffee Company with my closest friends. I listened to the most amazing song, and felt grateful because the life unfolding before my eyes looked like it had been taken directly from some awesome indie movie with amazing cinematography. At 9 am, (a time at which I am usually barely breathing) I left to go to my typical every-other-Saturday-shift at the library from 10-3.

 Sunday I woke up late and went apple picking with my family, an annual Colombus Day weekend event. I thought a lot about how this time last year (do I sound like a broken record yet?) I tried so hard to convince myself that I was happy. But I wasn't. This time, however, on the long, traffic-laden drive to the orchard, I couldn't stop smiling. It felt so amazing to just breathe in the moments, and not feel like I had to force them to be moments. When I got home, I lit some autumnal candles and watched the scariest thing my delicate sensibilities can handle-- American Horror Story: Hotel. I ended the day by going to my friend Kelsey's house for some quality Walking Dead bro time. There was monkey bread, popcorn, and a cat sat on my lap. (I know that sounds like a children's story, but it really happened and I was thrilled about it.)

 But Monday was the best day by far. I started the day off right-- with waffles topped with ice cream at my favorite local waffle place. My friend had a spiritual waffle experience, as this was his first time there. Then we got on the road to Rochester, NY for the second time this fall. We spent the day just hanging around Rochester with Kelsey, Sam, and Sam's sister. Kelsey and I finally got to go to Lush together, which was everything I'd ever dreamed of and more. In hindsight I probably spent too much money there, but then I remembered that today is "Treat Yo Self Day" (it's from Parks & Recreation, guys...) and I felt less guilty. After that, we spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in Pour Coffee Parlor with two other friends who now live in Rochester, which is as beautiful and aesthetic as it sounds. I enjoyed a chocolate overload with a chocolate cupcake and hot chocolate, and I have no regrets.

 Some people might not have enjoyed the day I had yesterday. I mean, who makes a lengthy drive to Rochester just to hit up a glorified vegan Bath & Body Works and then sit in a coffee shop for three hours? Well...us. I love these people I've surrounded myself by because they are the kind of people who don't mind taking a day trip just to enjoy the day. They don't have to make a huge ordeal out of something to enjoy it. There is a quiet simplicity in these friendships that I value more than anything else in the world.

 I love the generosity of autumn. I think there's something about the cold air and turning leaves that brings out geniality and for lack of a better term...the best in people. Unlike the Christmas season, which has just become a breeding ground for commercialism and unnecessary stress and anxiety, autumn is to me the most giving time of year. It's harder to do things with the people you love, with school and sports having started up again, but that just means it's that much more worthwhile when plans come together.

That's why this weekend was so great. I was busy, and maybe a little tired, but I was happy. I worked, I got inspired, and I loved. And I'm starting to realize that's all I can ever really ask for in this life.

Happy "Treat Yo Self Day" everyone. I hope you make the most of it!

 -Fran

Change.

   I'm feeling this effervescent joy and excitement right now. I love these people. I feel so high when I'm with them. And I can't wait for you all to see the project we made together.

 But it makes me so scared because people leave and things change and nothing is ever as it was before. That's the one thing that always stays the same. Change. It's hard for me to do real life sometimes because I often confuse excitement with anxiety. So I think things are bad when really they're pretty great. That's how I felt this summer. Except for once I knew I had a good thing and it was cool, but now it's over and I'm sad.

 I know this isn't your typical blog post, full of optimism and excitement and facts and intelligence. It's just feelings and me being too pretentious for my own good. But sometimes I have those and feel the urge to share them with you.

 -Fran

A Weekend At The Lake Keeps The Doctor Away

  So for the past two months, I’ve spent practically all my time at work. Well, my place of work. Not only do I typically work at the library Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, but I have also been picking up shifts as my co-workers have taken their summer vacations. But then I've spent every OTHER spare moment I've had at the library as well. For filming. Monday and Wednesday nights, when I don't usually work, we've been there filming. Friday nights, Saturdays, and Sundays, we've been there filming. 

  And even though this was very much of my own free will, and most of the time it has been SO MUCH fun, I was still more than eager to get away this past weekend. We went to my family’s lake house in the Finger Lakes, and I was so ready to completely disconnect. With no internet, no wi-fi, and barely any service to speak of, this was an opportunity to get back in touch with myself. To get in touch with nature. To reconnect with my family. To just be. And boy was that… uh, Overdue. (Excuse the pun. I am trash.) 

  After so many weeks in a row being consumed by schedules, scripts, and yes, anxiety, it was an extremely foreign yet delightful feeling to lay my head down on the pillow Friday night and realize I had nothing to do, think of, or worry about for the rest of the weekend. It was a much appreciated feeling. On Saturday I refused to get dressed aside from putting on a pair of "shorteralls" over my bathing suit. I swam in the lake, read on the dock, ate too much ice cream and watched Parks & Recreation in my back bedroom with the windows open and the fan on high. We played cards, roasted marshmallows over the fire, and I didn't shower for three days. Basically, it was a wonderful and much needed escape.

  I returned home on Sunday night feeling mildly refreshed but like I could have gladly stayed a few days longer. You can find my lake vlog here! They were my favorite videos to make last summer, and I had so much fun taking footage and putting it together this time around as well. Going into this new week, I'm excited to finally film the final episode of OVERDUE before I depart for my real vacation next week. This mini-vacation was just a taste of the relaxation I'll get to experience next week. And while I can't wait, I know I have some work to do before then.

So here's to getting shit done!

 -Fran

A Balanced (& Busy) Bee

  I have been SO BUSY. Between filming my web series, reading, writing, watching The X-Files and of course hanging out with friends and enjoying the summer, I feel like I’ve barely been home at all this month. Which is kind of great but also kind of exhausting.

  Work: Filming the web series has been an exhausting but worthwhile experience. It has taken up every single evening and weekend I’ve had to spare, but I’m okay with it, because I think we’re going to have something really awesome in the end. In other creative news, I'm planning an art project with my friend Cole. I've never done a piece of art with someone else before, so I'm simultaneously excited and scared. I love painting and making art in general, but I haven't put brush to canvas in nearly 2 years. Other things (like writing and video-making) have taken up that time, so I'm excited to have motivation to get back into it again.

  Friends: This past weekend I went to the Finger Lakes Lavender Festival, which I also went to with friends last year. We picked fresh lavender, had some pretty photoshoots and pretended to be the members of Haim. (Or at least I did...) I got a sunburn due to my alabaster complexion, which I didn’t discover until I went to a pool party later. But hey, what’s summer without a few mistakes, right? On Sunday I went to brunch with my friends Kelsey, Sam, and Andrew, and from there we went to see Kelsey and Sam's brand-new roasting location for Peaks Coffee Company. It's a small space, but the perfect starter location. I'm just so proud of my best friend and all she's accomplished in the past year. We both had rocky starts to our first year post-high school, but we had each other. And now I'm happy to say that we're both on our way to doing what we want to do. We're getting there. Slowly but surely, we're getting there.

  R&R: Just today I learned that I could connect my computer to the tv and have dual screens. I’m currently watching an episode of The X-Files with my brother while I write this. I’ve also been reading a lot more. I’ve always said that if I’m not reading, consistently reading, I feel pretty sad and dead inside. So needless to say I feel pretty good right now. I’m currently reading House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, a pretty huge undertaking, but I’m not doing it alone. I'm reading it with my friend Andrew, and we’ve been motivating each other to keep reading. The book is confusing and often terrifying, but having someone with whom I can discuss the insane plot has made things easier. I’ve never done a “buddy read” before, but I would definitely do it again, and I’m glad I decided to start with this book. Next, The X-Files. I’m not going to lie, I lost steam with it for a while there. Season 2 just got kind of boring and I had to stop for a while. But recently I picked it up again and realized that it’s everything I love. Conspiracy theories, spooky (unexplained) happenings, scary monsters, sexual tension, and aliens of course. I’m well into season 4, and am so glad I have nine seasons and 2 movies to distract me when I need some down time.

  Anyway, all of this is my long-winded way of saying that I'm happy, because I finally feel like I have this balance to my life. This balance of reading, writing, watching, working, and having fun that I've been so desperate for for a while now. Who knows, maybe I'll publish this post and all of that will fall apart, but for now it's really good. And so I just wanted to document the glorious existence of this mystical balance.

 -Fran

Courage in the Attempt

  Welcome to another segment of "this makes me anxious but I'm going to do it anyway." On Wednesday I went with a long-time friend of mine, Krista, on a day trip to Albany, NY. Our other long-time friend, Chloe, moved there immediately after we graduated high school in 2013, but we'd never been out to visit her. We were motivated by a free concert featuring The Vaccines not 30 minutes from her house. 

  I should preface this by saying that I'm not really a concert person. The last concert I went to was Vampire Weekend in December, 2013, and I only went because, well, it was Vampire Weekend. But I had a concussion at the time, and was recovering from a car accident, so it wasn't the best experience. Consequently, I haven't been to a concert since then. And I haven't wanted to. But the allure of a free concert and seeing a friend who I so rarely get to see nowadays was too tempting to pass up.

  Krista and I spent the two hour car ride discussing how and why we have commitment issues and listening to The Vaccines. The quote of the trip was, "get a good look at this asshole when I pass him." When we arrived in Albany, we kicked off the day by picking Chloe up and heading into the vaguely Stars-Hollow-esque town of Ballston Spa. We got waffles at this place called the Iron Roost, and I tried my first ever "savory waffle." It was a BLT served on a waffle sandwich. All I can say about this experience is that I want to start a waffle based religion.

 After stuffing our faces, we walked around and shopped. In one particular antique store, I got my hands on a gold revolver that Ron Swanson would have been in love with. So I posed with it, obviously.

  After this, I went to Lush for the first time in my life, which was an out-of-body experience. The store itself was pretty small, but evidently not small enough...as I still did $20 worth of damage. (That got me 3 bath bombs, in case you were wondering.)

  From here we went straight to the concert venue, where we sat, waited, and wondered if anyone was even going to show up. But eventually the show started and a small crowd of people formed, with us at the front. I'm not going to lie, I didn't feel like I was in my element there. I just find that I can't lose myself in the music quite like others can. I'm too tall, gangly and far too aware of my body and surroundings. But seeing how this show made my friends so happy, energized, and elated...seeing the smiles on their faces...in turn made me happy.

  When The Vaccines played Norgaard at the very end of their set, however, I did lose myself. I danced like the crazy nerd that I am, because I love that song, and it's been my favorite song of theirs for years. I have so many memories listening to this band, so it was really cool to see them live, in a fun and not too rowdy setting. And after the show, my friend Krista was able to get a picture with the lead singer, Justin!

  In conclusion, I may be young, but sometimes I act like an old lady. I like to be in bed by 11 and I don't like to be around people who are drunk/high. I don't like lines, I don't like standing, and I like to eat frequent meals. But I challenged myself on Wednesday, and I surprised myself by having a good time. At the start of 2015, I scribbled this little list of goals for myself in my journal. Not resolutions, necessarily, but things I wanted to do more of. The list looked like this:

Goals for 2015:
Be more adventurous
Be healthier
Grow (Mentally + emotionally)
Create more than you have ever created before
Be happy

 There's this quote from one of my favorite movies, Before Sunrise, that goes,

"You know I believe if there's any kind of God, it wouldn't be in any of us. Not you, or me. But just...this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt."

  Halfway through this year, I think I can say that I've been consistently doing those things on my list for a few months now. It hasn't been easy, and I've had to push myself a lot, but progress doesn't happen overnight. It has taken constant vigilance, constant mindfulness. But I truly believe that not only is the answer in the attempt, but courage is as well.

 -Fran