S I X M O N T H S

 In the last six months...

People moved away. People started a business. People quit their jobs. Two people started a relationship...and not only kept it going, but kept it growing. 

I know in relationship terms six months is barely anything. But for someone who has never been in one before (make that two someone's), it's everything. It can be summed up in the words he said to me on Monday: "Cause we've been dating for six months, and that's a big deal. And I don't want every six months to be a big deal, but years and years."

The fact is I've loved every second we've been together. Even the hard ones where one or both of us were in pain and we had to coax it out from where it was hiding and festering and see it, feel it, and even though it hurt, try to heal it. 

This has been a happy, painful, joyful, healing six months. So much has happened. And while I know I could do it all without him by my side, (I'm an independent woman after all: I lived 19 years without him, and I know I'm capable of more) I don't want to. We're right for each other. I can't wait for the coming moments, but I love the ones we're in. 

Yesterday we spent the day in Rochester, where it kind of all began for us six months ago. We went to three coffee shops in a row, and even though I don't drink coffee, I loved it. I love the coffee shop atmosphere, (as well as really good waffles and next-level tea) and I loved exploring new places with a person I love. Then we hit up this little crystal shop, where I went a little crazy but at the same time maybe I didn't go crazy enough. Last, but certainly not least, was Lush. I bought gifts for my sister for her birthday and "Treat Yo Self" gifts for me, which explains why the number on the receipt was so high. 

I finished the day by doing something that scared the life out of every cell in my body. I was a guest on a local YouTube show, The Life of Reilley, promoting OVERDUE. 

At the end of it, when I was feeling the adrenaline drain from my body and starting to slump over from exhaustion, I recalled what our dear friend Lottie told us to do as she left for California. To take care of ourselves and keep following our dreams. Yesterday I did both, and I'm just so glad I have this group of people to hold my hand while I do it. 

Eli, thanks for dating me. I love you and I like you more every day. 

Sam and Kelsey and Lottie and John, thanks for being my friend. You're the support system that my body wasn't built with, but needs nonetheless. 

I think it's important, whether you're in a relationship or not, to take a step back every few months and evaluate where you are now in comparison to where you were then. Because it's so easy to forget how far we've come, and downplay our achievements. But they're there, because we've made them happen. 


 -Fran

Treat. Yo. Self.

This weekend was a little slice of heaven. If the past three days are any indication of what my adult life will be, I'm in. Sign me up. Saturday morning I drove into the sunrise to spend the morning at Peaks Coffee Company with my closest friends. I listened to the most amazing song, and felt grateful because the life unfolding before my eyes looked like it had been taken directly from some awesome indie movie with amazing cinematography. At 9 am, (a time at which I am usually barely breathing) I left to go to my typical every-other-Saturday-shift at the library from 10-3.

 Sunday I woke up late and went apple picking with my family, an annual Colombus Day weekend event. I thought a lot about how this time last year (do I sound like a broken record yet?) I tried so hard to convince myself that I was happy. But I wasn't. This time, however, on the long, traffic-laden drive to the orchard, I couldn't stop smiling. It felt so amazing to just breathe in the moments, and not feel like I had to force them to be moments. When I got home, I lit some autumnal candles and watched the scariest thing my delicate sensibilities can handle-- American Horror Story: Hotel. I ended the day by going to my friend Kelsey's house for some quality Walking Dead bro time. There was monkey bread, popcorn, and a cat sat on my lap. (I know that sounds like a children's story, but it really happened and I was thrilled about it.)

 But Monday was the best day by far. I started the day off right-- with waffles topped with ice cream at my favorite local waffle place. My friend had a spiritual waffle experience, as this was his first time there. Then we got on the road to Rochester, NY for the second time this fall. We spent the day just hanging around Rochester with Kelsey, Sam, and Sam's sister. Kelsey and I finally got to go to Lush together, which was everything I'd ever dreamed of and more. In hindsight I probably spent too much money there, but then I remembered that today is "Treat Yo Self Day" (it's from Parks & Recreation, guys...) and I felt less guilty. After that, we spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in Pour Coffee Parlor with two other friends who now live in Rochester, which is as beautiful and aesthetic as it sounds. I enjoyed a chocolate overload with a chocolate cupcake and hot chocolate, and I have no regrets.

 Some people might not have enjoyed the day I had yesterday. I mean, who makes a lengthy drive to Rochester just to hit up a glorified vegan Bath & Body Works and then sit in a coffee shop for three hours? Well...us. I love these people I've surrounded myself by because they are the kind of people who don't mind taking a day trip just to enjoy the day. They don't have to make a huge ordeal out of something to enjoy it. There is a quiet simplicity in these friendships that I value more than anything else in the world.

 I love the generosity of autumn. I think there's something about the cold air and turning leaves that brings out geniality and for lack of a better term...the best in people. Unlike the Christmas season, which has just become a breeding ground for commercialism and unnecessary stress and anxiety, autumn is to me the most giving time of year. It's harder to do things with the people you love, with school and sports having started up again, but that just means it's that much more worthwhile when plans come together.

That's why this weekend was so great. I was busy, and maybe a little tired, but I was happy. I worked, I got inspired, and I loved. And I'm starting to realize that's all I can ever really ask for in this life.

Happy "Treat Yo Self Day" everyone. I hope you make the most of it!

 -Fran

September

  

  So on Monday, September 7th, we had a Labor day waffle party. We made waffles, watched the fourth episode of Overdue, and talked about plans for Peaks Coffee Company. I feel like a broken record, but I’m so grateful right now. September isn't easy for me...to say the least. But this is the first time in two years that it’s September and I don’t wake up every day with an overwhelming sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. And for some reason that makes me really sad. Every day this weekend, I cried. I cried because I’m happy, and I know that sounds really lame to say, but it’s true. Fall used to be my favorite season, but with the things that have happened to me the past two years, I’ve started to love it less…and have come to dread it even. 

 But with so many cool projects to focus on and incredible people surrounding me, I've nearly forgotten what month it is. Between Peaks, Overdue, writing poetry and stories, making short films, and generally immersing myself in this group of people who are all so passionate about what they're doing, I hardly have time to remember that I'm supposed to be sad. And even though most would consider that really good news, for some reason I'm finding myself crying about it a lot. And although Inside Out taught us all that sometimes you have to be sad to be happy, it's getting a little annoying. I mean, one second I'm driving to Starbucks, and the next I'm sobbing over the musical stylings of Hozier in my car. But luckily, my friends have been understanding and supportive. So now I’m excited to love and look forward to fall again.

 -Fran

Courage in the Attempt

  Welcome to another segment of "this makes me anxious but I'm going to do it anyway." On Wednesday I went with a long-time friend of mine, Krista, on a day trip to Albany, NY. Our other long-time friend, Chloe, moved there immediately after we graduated high school in 2013, but we'd never been out to visit her. We were motivated by a free concert featuring The Vaccines not 30 minutes from her house. 

  I should preface this by saying that I'm not really a concert person. The last concert I went to was Vampire Weekend in December, 2013, and I only went because, well, it was Vampire Weekend. But I had a concussion at the time, and was recovering from a car accident, so it wasn't the best experience. Consequently, I haven't been to a concert since then. And I haven't wanted to. But the allure of a free concert and seeing a friend who I so rarely get to see nowadays was too tempting to pass up.

  Krista and I spent the two hour car ride discussing how and why we have commitment issues and listening to The Vaccines. The quote of the trip was, "get a good look at this asshole when I pass him." When we arrived in Albany, we kicked off the day by picking Chloe up and heading into the vaguely Stars-Hollow-esque town of Ballston Spa. We got waffles at this place called the Iron Roost, and I tried my first ever "savory waffle." It was a BLT served on a waffle sandwich. All I can say about this experience is that I want to start a waffle based religion.

 After stuffing our faces, we walked around and shopped. In one particular antique store, I got my hands on a gold revolver that Ron Swanson would have been in love with. So I posed with it, obviously.

  After this, I went to Lush for the first time in my life, which was an out-of-body experience. The store itself was pretty small, but evidently not small enough...as I still did $20 worth of damage. (That got me 3 bath bombs, in case you were wondering.)

  From here we went straight to the concert venue, where we sat, waited, and wondered if anyone was even going to show up. But eventually the show started and a small crowd of people formed, with us at the front. I'm not going to lie, I didn't feel like I was in my element there. I just find that I can't lose myself in the music quite like others can. I'm too tall, gangly and far too aware of my body and surroundings. But seeing how this show made my friends so happy, energized, and elated...seeing the smiles on their faces...in turn made me happy.

  When The Vaccines played Norgaard at the very end of their set, however, I did lose myself. I danced like the crazy nerd that I am, because I love that song, and it's been my favorite song of theirs for years. I have so many memories listening to this band, so it was really cool to see them live, in a fun and not too rowdy setting. And after the show, my friend Krista was able to get a picture with the lead singer, Justin!

  In conclusion, I may be young, but sometimes I act like an old lady. I like to be in bed by 11 and I don't like to be around people who are drunk/high. I don't like lines, I don't like standing, and I like to eat frequent meals. But I challenged myself on Wednesday, and I surprised myself by having a good time. At the start of 2015, I scribbled this little list of goals for myself in my journal. Not resolutions, necessarily, but things I wanted to do more of. The list looked like this:

Goals for 2015:
Be more adventurous
Be healthier
Grow (Mentally + emotionally)
Create more than you have ever created before
Be happy

 There's this quote from one of my favorite movies, Before Sunrise, that goes,

"You know I believe if there's any kind of God, it wouldn't be in any of us. Not you, or me. But just...this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt."

  Halfway through this year, I think I can say that I've been consistently doing those things on my list for a few months now. It hasn't been easy, and I've had to push myself a lot, but progress doesn't happen overnight. It has taken constant vigilance, constant mindfulness. But I truly believe that not only is the answer in the attempt, but courage is as well.

 -Fran