Brew Brightness

 On a rainy Monday morning in May, Soleil Cafe began brewing brightness. I don't feel like I'm old enough to know people who own businesses that are changing the economic face of my area, but I do, and it's an incredible feeling. Sitting in Soleil on Monday morning, I felt so appreciative of the fact that there are young people I know who are so passionate about spreading positivity and rising above negativity and hate. 

 I could go on a rant about how this generation of Millennials (or whatever you want any to call us) work so hard, stay true to our message at all costs, and get none of the credit for it. All I have to say is, we're not going anywhere. And Monday was proof of that. Quality, hard work, and heart will always win out over mass produced quantity. 

#brewbrightness #peakinggoodcoffee

 -Fran

Not Over OVERDUE

 So...OVERDUE (my YouTube web series that has been premiering since August 2015) is over. The final episode went live on Friday night, March 25th, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. My emotions are a mixture of happy and sad, to be sure.

I mean, this project has taken up the last year of my life. And while there was a sadness that overtook me when we finished filming, the sadness I feel now is much more subtle, and yet greater. That sadness was palpable. This one is vague, rippling under the surface, overwhelming me in unexpected moments of vulnerability.

You all know that one of my favorite pastimes (because I am a nostalgic piece of garbage), is looking back. Seeing where I was then compared to where I sit now.

In August, I was terrified. I was afraid of people leaving and my life changing and new challenges and what all of these chances I was taking would mean for my future.

In March, I am still terrified, but more confident. I'm more sure of everything I'm doing. I'm surer with every passing day that what I'm doing is right for me.

In August, I had a little get-together at my house on the night the first episode was released. My good friends Sam and Kelsey were there with plenty of good food, as was Eli, the guy who made the theme song, who I didn't really know at that point. I sat next to him on the couch, unsure, uncomfortable, but wanting to be closer.

In March, that same group of four watched the final episode on my laptop in Sam & Kelsey's coffee shop. Then Sam, Kelsey, and Eli took me to dinner to celebrate. I sat close to Eli, knowing there wasn't a limit to how close I could get anymore.

 So much has changed, and so much has happened as a result of this show. This chance I took that I was scared every single day of ruining, of mucking up, has brought so much love and light and life into my world. And I think the fact that I'm so sad to see it go is an indicator of how right I was to take this chance, and a message to my future self to take more.

We're all overdue for something.
Maybe I was overdue for taking a few chances.

-Fran

P.S.- The playlist with all the episodes, minisodes, and trailers is right here, if you're interested in watching!

#Caiellafornia

 Yesterday, at approximately 8:45 am, I said goodbye to two of my favorite people. They got in the car and got on the road to their new life in California. I still don't quite have the words to describe how I feel about the whole experience. But I'm going to give it a try anyway.

 Over the past few months, no, since about May of 2015, I've gotten closer and closer to these people until it felt like we were this tight-knit group. My whole life, I've kind of been looking for this group. I've been a part of friend groups and have great friends who I love and will always love, but I think I've been looking for this particular creative, passionate group of do-ers for a while. In 2015, I found it. Or more accurately, we built it. We built our friendship on one fundamental commonality: our dreams. Even though our passions and goals are in a variety of different categories and genres, they all have one thing in common: creativity. We are all actively pursuing creative careers, creative dreams. We know how scary and unsound that is, but we're doing it anyway. So even though one of us wants to be a graphic designer and another a musician and another a writer and another a filmmaker and two others coffee shop owners, we all have in common the passionate pursual of those creative dreams.

 In October two members of our group, Sam and Kelsey, made their dream a reality. Peaks Coffee Company opened it's doors on October 3rd, 2015. Right around then, Lottie and John got word that they might have the opportunity to move to California for the type of job John had always dreamed of. Yesterday they departed on that journey. I feel like Eli and I are still working on making ours happen. Being an artist is weird, because it's so intangible. Every little victory feels enormous at the time, but you look back on it and feel that it wasn't that big of a deal. But it's important to remember that every little victory is a brick in the road building to a bigger one. So I think we're on our way. 

 Yesterday Lottie made us promise that we'd take care of ourselves and keep following our dreams. I didn't have any huge New Year's resolutions for 2016, but I think I just found the one I will be actively pursuing this year. For Lottie, and for the people in my life who are constantly striving to make theirs better. To keep growing. To keep learning. To keep saying yes. That's what this admittedly difficult change has taught me. Lottie & John just said HECK YES to the biggest, scariest change imaginable. They packed up their baby dog and their hopes and fears and dreams in one little car and went for it. And for that I find them endlessly inspiring. 

 Before yesterday, I've never had the experience of crying after a friend has left. I always thought that was because I'm a loner, or emotionless, or something. But after they pulled out of the Peaks parking lot and hit the road, Kelsey and I had a moment not unlike the end of The Holiday. We were both Jude Law, crying helplessly in the back room. While right now I'm mourning the physical departure of two people who understood me in ways I never thought possible, I am also rejoicing in their success at the same time, and feeling grateful for the fact that I still have 4/6ths of our little squad here by my side. 

 Friendship is a really weird, ambiguous thing that I don't think I'll ever understand. But I'm excited to keep learning and growing with these people, whether that's from opposite coasts or fifteen minutes down the road.

 -Fran

N e w // Y e a r

2 0 1 6

 Tonight my life felt like the end of The Holiday, which is all I've ever really dreamed for my life to be. My entire life, well, my entire adolescence really, I've dreamed for my life to feel, be, and look like a movie. And it was only recently that I realized that life isn't like that. It's messy. It's hard. People get hurt, things don't turn out the way you expect them to, accidents happen and stuff just sucks. But you choose to forgive, you choose to get back up, you choose to keep going, and one day, you realize that you left all of the bad stuff in the past.

 2015 was a year of moving on. Moving forward, taking no prisoners, and working my butt off until I got what I wanted. No one gave it to me...I worked for it. And so did the people I surrounded myself with. I'm lucky that in 2015, I found people who dream as big as I do, and are willing to work just as hard to get it. We are all on the same path-- this path to greatness, this path to dreams coming true and our lives turning out like the movies we see in our heads. And I think finding these people who dream just as big and work just as hard has helped me on my path. Because now I don't feel so alone anymore. I used to think that I was "on my own path." And I thought that meant my life was going to be a lonely one, a solitary journey if you will. But this year I learned that not only does that not have to be the case, if things keep going the way they have been...it most certainly won't be.

 Last night I stumbled upon this word: synchronicity. It is, according to the ever-trustworthy internet: the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.  

 It is essentially saying that we assign meaning where there is none. But sometimes, there is meaning. I think the word synchronicity is cynical. (Say that five times fast.) Maybe I'm just nostalgic and overtired, but I think it's beautiful, the vulnerability of allowing yourself to feel. Over the course of 2015 I kept a jar of memories. Anytime something significant, fun, or particularly noteworthy happened, I wrote it down on a little slip of paper, remembering to include the date. This morning, on the first day of the New Year, I read through them all for the first time since I wrote each of them, some from January 1st, some from December 25th. There was no order, so I frequently pulled slips from random months. One from January, one from August. One from April, one from September. May, August. October, February. Seeing an entire year of my life compiled into such a small space and juxtaposed with no chronology made me realize how much really happened in the last 12 months. So many significant events, non-events, moments, friendships, relationships, mishaps, and joy. It was overwhelming to read a slip of paper from January in which I talk about finishing my first short film, and then in the next read about how I had just pitched Overdue to the library board and it had been unanimously approved. The hopeful ones made me the most emotional. It was like reading a beloved book when you already know the ending. It's not boring, but happy. You know what's going to happen, but you keep reading anyway, because it's so sweetly satisfying. It's weird to say that I felt that about my own life today. Weird, but cool. So maybe this is synchronicity in action, and I'm a silly, sappy, hopeless romantic who is bound to be disappointed by the random and uncaring nature of the universe. 

If that's the case, I may be hopeless, but I'm still hopeful. 

Happy 2016. 

 -Fran

Change.

   I'm feeling this effervescent joy and excitement right now. I love these people. I feel so high when I'm with them. And I can't wait for you all to see the project we made together.

 But it makes me so scared because people leave and things change and nothing is ever as it was before. That's the one thing that always stays the same. Change. It's hard for me to do real life sometimes because I often confuse excitement with anxiety. So I think things are bad when really they're pretty great. That's how I felt this summer. Except for once I knew I had a good thing and it was cool, but now it's over and I'm sad.

 I know this isn't your typical blog post, full of optimism and excitement and facts and intelligence. It's just feelings and me being too pretentious for my own good. But sometimes I have those and feel the urge to share them with you.

 -Fran

In Bloom

       Lately, I’ve been trying to do things that scare me. Whether it’s driving myself downtown to a writing class where I get honest, realistic critiques of my work, or going on a blind date with someone I barely know. The only way I’ve been able to convince myself to do these things is by telling myself one thing over and over, like a mantra. “Even if this goes badly, it’s an experience, and you can write about it.” And somehow, miraculously, that has changed everything. Now I look at every opportunity that presents itself to me as an experience. Good or bad, up or down, no matter how it turns out, I get life points for it. And this has made all the difference. I'm finding myself more inclined to try new things, and I’m just so happy that I discovered this little trick to sidestepping my anxiety. 

      This little technique doesn’t completely eliminate my anxiety, however. All it does it make me more willing to withstand it, and not let it hold me back. I still get anxious every week when I drive to my class— afraid I won’t find a parking spot in time, afraid of being approached on the street, afraid of rejection in the class itself. And lord knows I had a whole truckload of fears about my blind date. But ultimately, my desire to learn and to take in these experiences is stronger than my fear. And I’m starting to think that’s the key to all of this. If you have anxiety, just search high and low until you find a reason to go out that is stronger than your reason to stay home. 

     Some of us are late bloomers. It takes some of us a while to find our niche, to find a reason to go out in the world and experience it. But I promise you, no matter how certain you are that you won’t, one day, you will find that reason. And you’ll go out into the world and start doing what you’ve always dreamed of and start becoming the person you’ve always known you could be. It occurred to me recently that when you start to feel like you're total shit, like you'll never accomplish all that you dream... that's when you know you're close. 

    I hope this has motivated you to go out there and go after whatever it is that you are passionate about. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Thank you for reading, and I hope you all have a great week!

 -Fran

Peaks & Valleys

This Saturday I had the best time you could ever have in the frozen wasteland that is Central New York in March. My best friend Kelsey, who I’ve mentioned countless times on this blog, in my YouTube videos, and on Twitter and Instagram, has long harbored a dream of one day owning her own coffee shop. And after many, many months of working jobs that caused her pain, working hard to make the best product she could possibly create, and changing the title of that dream from coffee shop to coffee company, she’s finally there. Peaks Coffee Company is real! And I can honestly say that even if I wasn’t best friends with the owner, I would love this company. I mean, just look at what's written on the back of their bags! 

   "From bean to cup our coffee is roasted fresh with care, cupped for quality, and packaged to order. This life is full of peaks and valleys. So as humble friends we offer our hands to you. This coffee is our guarantee that we will be there to serve you a freshly roasted cup both at your peaks and in your valleys. Stay humble, stay hopeful.  -Peaks Coffee Company"

I’m honestly so honored to be a small part of this momentous achievement of hers. A little backstory on Kelsey and I: although we started off mere acquaintances in 7th grade, when it comes down to it, we’ve been there for each other at our greatest peaks and valleys. In our senior year of high school, when she was experiencing her first major valley, I did everything in my power to be there for her. And in the fall of 2013, when I experienced the greatest and most terrifying valley of my life, she was more than there for me. She got me through it. So to be able to be here with her, at this incredible Peak of hers, is truly an honor. 

Over the past few months, I’ve watched her work harder at this than anything I’ve ever seen in my life. Countless weekends standing in the freezing cold, roasting coffee beans on her back porch with her honest-to-God-saint-of-a-boyfriend Sam. Days and weeks and months spent calculating, charting, and "cupping" her authentic roasts. Hours and hours spent writing, designing, and researching the “aesthetic" and look of her brand. And this weekend, it all paid off. On Saturday, she and the rest of us Peaks volunteers had our first gig at a local antique store called the Heckled Hen. We started off in the parking lot, attempting to brew coffee in the 16 degree weather. That didn’t last long, however, and we soon found ourselves packed in to the antique store itself, in a very precarious corner of the store filled with fragile glassware and teacups. (How fitting, right?) But with only a little table and a single Chemex to brew with, Kelsey and Sam made coffee magic happen. Sam commanded that tiny corner, and with it a small army of eager listeners, as people young and old came through to check out the Heckled Hen’s open house. We did better than we had anticipated, as we came in with about 25 lbs of coffee and left with a mere 6.

Despite the fact that the event had it’s ups and downs, it’s peaks and valleys if you will, I personally felt that it was the most perfect Saturday from start to finish. Earlier that morning, the Peaks crew got together at Dave’s Diner, a little place just across the street from the Heckled Hen, to do what we do best-- eat breakfast food and talk coffee. And even though we had to meet at 8 am (!!!!) it was delightful. The waffles were great and the conversation was even better, which is really all I could ever ask for. 

In the past year and a half, I’ve learned a lot about myself, and about life. I feel like I've changed so much in the past few months even. But, God, am I ever thankful for it. I’ve learned that we’re not all going to be as hugely successful as we think we will be. But we do have lasting effects on the people around us, and that’s not nothing. I’ve learned that it is more than okay to not be happy all the time. I’ve learned that I deserve love, I deserve to be treated like I matter, and I shouldn’t let people in my life who don’t treat me thusly. But more than that, I've learned that I have to believe it for myself first, and demand to be treated the way I deserve.

I’m experiencing some peaks and valleys of my own right now, but it’s okay, because I have good people in my life. Like Kelsey. And Sam. And even though I spent the rest of the weekend feeling exhausted and scared and altogether unwilling to leave my bed, I’m still happy. I’m happy because I got to spend my Saturday morning with friends new and old, drinking hot beverages, eating diner food, and working on making my closest compadre's dreams come true. I'm happy because I can see that we're all starting to become the people we were meant to be, and I feel privileged to bear witness to it. Because it’s really a beautiful thing to witness.

 -Fran 

P.S.~ You can find Peaks Coffee Company on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram right now, and a website will be coming soon. :)