Civil War

 Moviegoing has made me kind of anxious lately. I don't know why, because the movie theater has always been one place where I never got anxious, but lately it's been almost crippling. I was randomly paranoid/anxious during Deadpool in February, and had to leave the theater before the end of The Jungle Book just a few weeks ago. And I've been feeling really down about it, because I've started to think that maybe I can't do this thing that I love anymore. Maybe I'm too broken, too fearful, too paranoid to go to the movies anymore.

 Truth be told, I guess I've always had a little bit of anxiety related to going to the movies, but it's really just small stuff like needing to be there 20 minutes early so I can pee and get a good seat. Never before have I felt so anxious and unsafe that I needed to leave. 

 All that considered, though, I'm never going to be the kind of girl who doesn't see a brand new Marvel movie opening weekend. So Thursday night, I found myself at an early showing of Captain America: Civil War, and I was more than a little anxious, for a few reasons. #1: My car had been hit while parked in my library parking lot just a few hours before; #2: I was in a tiny theater full of strangers; and #3: I was about to see the film adaptation of the first comic I'd ever read. You could say there were a few jitters. 

 But even though I looked over my shoulder more than a few times, and gripped my agate crystal rock the entire time, in the end, I made it through. And I was happy. The movie was everything I had hoped for, and was nothing close to the colossal letdown Age of Ultron had been last year. I got the Iron Man/ Captain America battle I'd been dreaming of, as well as validation for loving Captain America as much as I do. 

 I got a movie that was worth the anxiety, and I proved to myself that this isn't a battle I have to give up on. Anxiety is just that. A battle. Just when you think you have a handle on it, it changes its tactics, changes its mind, and you lose your grip on control of it once more. But much like Captain America, it's not gonna finish me off. And it's not gonna hold me back. 

 -Fran

This Week [#4: Coming Together]

 Though not technically the fourth week in this series, it's my fourth week of making this style of blog post. Sometimes the weeks get away from you, which is why I'm trying to make the effort to work on this each day of the week, which ensures the mindfulness I'm after.

 Monday: Treating yourself to a self-love day. Starting the day with a bath, writing some essays, and taking a long walk that takes you both to where you've been and where you are. It's a weird, metaphorical day.

 Tuesday: The day when you breathe a sigh of relief at all of the "FINALLY"'s coming your way. FINALLY finding the perfect Christmas presents for the people in your life who deserve it so much. FINALLY painting again, even if it's something small, after close to a year of not picking up a brush. FINALLY seeing the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them trailer, after two years of eagerly anticipating the Eddie Redmayne led return to the Wizarding World you've loved your whole life. FINALLY working on that essay you said you'd start all day.  Finally, finally, finally.

 Wednesday: Tackling huge problems that feel like the end of the world, and realizing the people that validate and support you most aren't necessarily the people you'd expect.

 Thursday: Crushing it. Accomplishing all of the things you put off, then having a miniature Star Wars re-watch and deciding you love Han Solo (among others).

 Friday: To grandmother's house we go. Nearly freezing to death taking pictures by a lake you've loved your whole life, with someone who you've just begun to love. Realizing that it doesn't take much to make certain people happy, but what matters is that you choose to do it.

 Saturday: Finally feeling useful and watching your friends' business grow and thrive in front of your eyes. Then watching the person you love geek the hell out over Star Wars, and loving it because of how much you love him.

  Sunday: Having hard conversations, watching an iconic Diane Keaton movie, and correctly guessing the writer of said movie. (Nancy Meyers for the win.)

 It's fascinating to me how easily stressful things can become fun and beautiful when you're with the right people. I used to dread trips to see extended family. But Friday I had the best time I've ever had at my grandparent's house. Maybe it's that I've grown up, and maybe it's because of who I was with, and maybe it's both. Ordinarily, I would be horrified by a movie theater packed with overly excited nerds. Saturday, it wasn't at all scary. It was beautiful and fun and light and full of giddy happiness. This week I realized something I've suspected for a while: people are the difference.

 -Fran

The Intern: The Anne Hathaway / Robert DeNiro Movie I Didn't Know I Wanted

 This has been a pretty great year for feminism in film. In May we had Mad Max: Fury Road, which featured a diverse cast of women with more prominent speaking roles than the men. In July we had Trainwreck, Amy Schumer's hilarious but poignant feminist romantic comedy. 

 And in September we had...The Intern? If you had asked me two months ago if I thought The Intern would be a movie I would be legitimately excited over, I would have told you to leave me alone, because two months ago I was probably knee deep in a 72 hour X-Files binge. But last night I saw The Intern, at the urging of some friends whose opinions on movies (and life) I trust inherently. 

 I don't want to spoil anything: but this was a near perfect film. Taking a different tone of voice and spotlighting other aspects of inequality than Schumer's Trainwreck, The Intern highlights the struggle of the working woman in today's society. But before I get into the reasons why this movie was so wonderfully feminist, I have to remark on Anne Hathaway and Robert DeNiro's dynamic. To put it simply, they were pure magic together. Their relationship was based on mutual respect, and their interactions both within and without the workplace emphasized that with a little patience and a lot of respect, it is possible for older and younger generations to work together to make the world a better place.

 There were moments when I found myself trying not to sob, and then found myself thinking, "What the HELL? In a romantic comedy?! With ROBERT DENIRO?!" Hathaway's Jules Ostin is a complex, imperfect, and wonderful feminist role model. She has a tortured relationship with her mother, a passionate relationship with her work, and a good but not always easy relationship with her family-- her daughter and her husband. She's not always confident, she makes mistakes, but (and this is the "but" that had tears rolling down my face) she knows her worth. I really do not want to spoil anything, because this movie was so full of delicious and unexpected surprises, but there was a moment when I was unsure if I liked where the rhetoric of this film was headed. And then, with a single line, Nancy Meyers completely turned it around. This movie was complex, funny, sad, and real. It dealt with meaty topics in a careful but thorough way, while also being extraordinarily entertaining. I don't want to overhype this or anything, but I think this film is proof that a movie can be a fun, girly "date movie" while also having substance and making you feel like the film industry isn't doomed after all. 

Basically, go see The Intern. 

 -Fran

What I've Been Watching #4

  So my recently watched movies have all had one thing in common. They’re all (in some way or other) about women on journeys. 

  The first is Wild. I kind of got this movie on a whim, and I didn’t really plan on loving it. But, boy did I. It made me want to hike across the desert and find myself. It also made me cry my eyes out. The use of music and other textural cinematography as a way of triggering memories was beautifully done. Reese Witherspoon’s performance was amazing, and definitely deserving of the Oscar nomination.

  Next up is Cake. Again with a stellar performance by a female actress. Jennifer Anniston absolutely crushed it in this movie. Her portrayal of chronic illness was real, raw, and absolutely believable. Her performance was likable even though her character really wasn’t. This movie was actually surprisingly funny, given the dark and stigmatized subject matter. It also portrayed an accurate and acute depiction of PTSD and trauma, which I really appreciated.

  And last but certainly not least, Ex Machina.  Okay so...this movie is about artificial intelligence. That's how they marketed it anyway, to get the predominantly male audience in the seats. But that's not what it's really about. I hesitate to even tell you what it was truly about, because it was such a lovely surprise. If you're like me, and need someone to tell you how to feel about the end of this movie, I'd highly recommend this article, which I stumbled upon after finishing the film. It's brilliantly written, and answered every one of my burning "But what? How? Why?" questions. 

  But if you have seen the movie, and for my own peace of mind, here's what I thought- it was about women. And how we as a culture put women in boxes, put women behind glass, make them prove themselves a thousand times over a thousand different ways, make them answer a million invasive questions, and force them to use whatever means necessary to escape. I found myself crying a lot at this film, and I consequently found myself wondering why I was crying over a robot. But then I realized...in the end the message was really about womanhood and femininity and this culture that traps us behind glass and wants us to thank them for it. It was just surprising to feel "YAS GIRL YAS" at the end of a movie about artificial intelligence. 

  And that’s all for this blog post! I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

-Fran

What I've Been Watching #3

  Here is my third installment of how I've been avoiding socialization What I've Been Watching. 

  First and foremost: Locke. I watched this film on a whim, and it was absolutely brilliant. The entirety of the movie takes place in a car, where Tom Hardy is driving towards a... certain destination, and passes the time by making many consecutive phone calls. But despite the unconventional setting, it never got boring. It was downright compelling, and I was so surprised at how this movie had me on the edge of my seat. I honestly don't know how to stress to you how incredible this movie was. I mean, I cried twice. And at the end of it, all I could think was: This is what filmmaking SHOULD BE. Just pure, unadulterated, captivating storytelling. If a story is good, it shouldn't matter if there is a sex scene or explosions or a dreamy lead actor. If a story is good, the entire two hour movie could take place in a car, driving through England at night. It's safe to say that this movie affected me a little bit, and I'd therefore highly recommend it. 

  Next is Take This Waltz. This movie also made me cry. A LOT. It was about life, and how you can never be sure you're making the right choice but that doesn't mean you shouldn't choose. It was about how the in-between spaces can suck, and are oftentimes utterly terrifying. It was about how we're all afraid of being afraid and afraid of connections. (That last one is something I've had many a late night panic attack over.) It was beautiful, artistic, poetic, raw, and real. Michelle Williams was lovely and otherworldly, and Seth Rogen proved that he can actually play a character other than himself. Who knew, right?

  Finally, on a whim this past Saturday I decided to see Mad Max: Fury Road by myself, which was quite the experience. I don’t know why it’s considered so taboo and lame to go to the movies by yourself, but I decided I didn't really care. I had my heart set on seeing Mad Max, because I had heard that it was badass, well written, and most importantly, hella feminist. So I did that. AND IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME. But before I get into my myriad of thoughts on the subject, I'd like to share with you another list I made.

Pros of going to the movies by yourself:

You don't have to listen to anyone talk through the trailers

You don't have to share your popcorn

You can write on your phone during all of the trailers for cars and ABC Family shows 

You get to see the movie with a bunch of old people, who are super quiet because they can't hear to begin with

Cons of going to the movies by yourself:

There's no one to watch your seat when you inevitably have to pee during the 5 hours of trailers

Since you don't have to share your popcorn, you end up eating all of it by yourself. This becomes a problem later on...

There's no one to rant to after you've just had a spiritual awakening in an action movie

   In any case, back to the movie. I did a mini review of sorts in my Weekly Vlog last week, but I'll say this anyway: This movie was damn near perfect. In action movies, you rarely ever see badass female characters, let alone women of color, or women with significant speaking roles. This film had all of the above (in abundance) and more. Not only did the women have more lines than any of the men, including Mad Max himself, but their character development also went above and beyond anything I've ever seen in a summer blockbuster action movie. An early review I read said something like, "this film puts the bechdel test to shame..." which I must wholeheartedly agree with. This film proves that not only is the tried-and-true action movie formula worn out, outdated, and irrelevant, but it proves that we're really better off without it. 

   This movie has made nearly $300 million worldwide, and I think it's because more women are in the audience. Why? (Hint: It's not because of Tom Hardy's killer body.) It's because George Miller decided to tell a culturally relevant, relatable tale set in a post-apocalyptic world. It's because he decided to show women (of a variety of ethnicities) kicking ass, getting revenge on their captor, and developing as human beings. It's because he decided to show women as people, and not mere sexual objects for the lead actor to interact with. It's because he decided to tell a story about sexual violence, and the horrors that women are often faced with, without actually showing gratuitous sexual violence. This movie is as much of a feminist film for men as it is for women. Tom Hardy's portrayal of Mad Max was beautiful and brilliant, and was in such stark contrast to the other violent, power-hungry men on the screen. He showed that a man can be powerful, badass, and cool, without needing to abuse women to get there. Max's complex relationship with Charlize Theron's character, Furiosa, showed that not all relationships between men and women have to be purely sexual. They had a bond, a true connection, and we didn't need to see them make out to understand that. In essence, Mad Max: Fury Road is more than worth your time and money. And I'll just say it: I liked it way more than Avengers: Age of Ultron. 

I hope you found some new movies to see and love this weekend! :)

 -Fran