S I X M O N T H S

 In the last six months...

People moved away. People started a business. People quit their jobs. Two people started a relationship...and not only kept it going, but kept it growing. 

I know in relationship terms six months is barely anything. But for someone who has never been in one before (make that two someone's), it's everything. It can be summed up in the words he said to me on Monday: "Cause we've been dating for six months, and that's a big deal. And I don't want every six months to be a big deal, but years and years."

The fact is I've loved every second we've been together. Even the hard ones where one or both of us were in pain and we had to coax it out from where it was hiding and festering and see it, feel it, and even though it hurt, try to heal it. 

This has been a happy, painful, joyful, healing six months. So much has happened. And while I know I could do it all without him by my side, (I'm an independent woman after all: I lived 19 years without him, and I know I'm capable of more) I don't want to. We're right for each other. I can't wait for the coming moments, but I love the ones we're in. 

Yesterday we spent the day in Rochester, where it kind of all began for us six months ago. We went to three coffee shops in a row, and even though I don't drink coffee, I loved it. I love the coffee shop atmosphere, (as well as really good waffles and next-level tea) and I loved exploring new places with a person I love. Then we hit up this little crystal shop, where I went a little crazy but at the same time maybe I didn't go crazy enough. Last, but certainly not least, was Lush. I bought gifts for my sister for her birthday and "Treat Yo Self" gifts for me, which explains why the number on the receipt was so high. 

I finished the day by doing something that scared the life out of every cell in my body. I was a guest on a local YouTube show, The Life of Reilley, promoting OVERDUE. 

At the end of it, when I was feeling the adrenaline drain from my body and starting to slump over from exhaustion, I recalled what our dear friend Lottie told us to do as she left for California. To take care of ourselves and keep following our dreams. Yesterday I did both, and I'm just so glad I have this group of people to hold my hand while I do it. 

Eli, thanks for dating me. I love you and I like you more every day. 

Sam and Kelsey and Lottie and John, thanks for being my friend. You're the support system that my body wasn't built with, but needs nonetheless. 

I think it's important, whether you're in a relationship or not, to take a step back every few months and evaluate where you are now in comparison to where you were then. Because it's so easy to forget how far we've come, and downplay our achievements. But they're there, because we've made them happen. 


 -Fran

#Caiellafornia

 Yesterday, at approximately 8:45 am, I said goodbye to two of my favorite people. They got in the car and got on the road to their new life in California. I still don't quite have the words to describe how I feel about the whole experience. But I'm going to give it a try anyway.

 Over the past few months, no, since about May of 2015, I've gotten closer and closer to these people until it felt like we were this tight-knit group. My whole life, I've kind of been looking for this group. I've been a part of friend groups and have great friends who I love and will always love, but I think I've been looking for this particular creative, passionate group of do-ers for a while. In 2015, I found it. Or more accurately, we built it. We built our friendship on one fundamental commonality: our dreams. Even though our passions and goals are in a variety of different categories and genres, they all have one thing in common: creativity. We are all actively pursuing creative careers, creative dreams. We know how scary and unsound that is, but we're doing it anyway. So even though one of us wants to be a graphic designer and another a musician and another a writer and another a filmmaker and two others coffee shop owners, we all have in common the passionate pursual of those creative dreams.

 In October two members of our group, Sam and Kelsey, made their dream a reality. Peaks Coffee Company opened it's doors on October 3rd, 2015. Right around then, Lottie and John got word that they might have the opportunity to move to California for the type of job John had always dreamed of. Yesterday they departed on that journey. I feel like Eli and I are still working on making ours happen. Being an artist is weird, because it's so intangible. Every little victory feels enormous at the time, but you look back on it and feel that it wasn't that big of a deal. But it's important to remember that every little victory is a brick in the road building to a bigger one. So I think we're on our way. 

 Yesterday Lottie made us promise that we'd take care of ourselves and keep following our dreams. I didn't have any huge New Year's resolutions for 2016, but I think I just found the one I will be actively pursuing this year. For Lottie, and for the people in my life who are constantly striving to make theirs better. To keep growing. To keep learning. To keep saying yes. That's what this admittedly difficult change has taught me. Lottie & John just said HECK YES to the biggest, scariest change imaginable. They packed up their baby dog and their hopes and fears and dreams in one little car and went for it. And for that I find them endlessly inspiring. 

 Before yesterday, I've never had the experience of crying after a friend has left. I always thought that was because I'm a loner, or emotionless, or something. But after they pulled out of the Peaks parking lot and hit the road, Kelsey and I had a moment not unlike the end of The Holiday. We were both Jude Law, crying helplessly in the back room. While right now I'm mourning the physical departure of two people who understood me in ways I never thought possible, I am also rejoicing in their success at the same time, and feeling grateful for the fact that I still have 4/6ths of our little squad here by my side. 

 Friendship is a really weird, ambiguous thing that I don't think I'll ever understand. But I'm excited to keep learning and growing with these people, whether that's from opposite coasts or fifteen minutes down the road.

 -Fran

The Truth is Out There: The X-Files Revival Review

 I am embarrassed to admit just how long it took me to figure out what to write about this morning. I sat at the kitchen table for a few minutes thinking, I have nothing to talk about! And then it hit me. The X-Files just started up again! *face palm*

 If you've been reading this blog for ANY amount of time you'll know that I love The X-Files. I started watching it in the late winter of 2015, and was finished by September. (Most people call this time "spring," but since that doesn't exist in CNY I won't call it that.) This show about aliens and government conspiracy was my best friend and closest companion all summer. Over the summer I liked to joke that I didn't need a boyfriend because I was in a committed relationship with The X-Files. Funnily enough, half the reason my boyfriend and I started dating is because I told him to watch The X-Files, he did, and he loved it as much as I do. The rest is history.

 So Sunday night, on the fateful day this glorious show was set to return, I was ready. I didn't appreciate the fact that the football game ran over and into my allotted X-Files time, which is easily my worst nightmare... but the show was worth the wait. I had a friend who saw the premier episode at New York City Comic Con a few months back, who assured me that it was amazing, but I couldn't know that until I saw it for myself.

 I can sum up my feelings in four simple words: It felt the same. It felt like the good old X-Files we all know and love, but shinier and new. For that reason, it was almost better. It felt so current, so now, so rooted in current events. Watching the old episodes is like this lovely nostalgic little game, where you laugh at the bad graphics but keep coming back for the consistently interesting plot and sexual tension. This was a whole new ball game (please laugh at this pun) because while the plot and writing were still as great as ever, the graphics, lighting, camera work were all better. This is probably due to new technology, and a higher budget. Regardless, it was just incredible to see The X-Files get the treatment it deserves.

 Now for the details. If you don't want to know anything (none of this would be spoilers anyway but still) then don't read on.

 The fun stuff.
 1. I loved seeing Scully, Mulder and even Skinner deal with modern technology. It was adorable and hilarious, especially considering that the last time we saw them iPhones or iPads weren't really as everywhere as they are today.
 2. The intro is back! And I don't mean the intro from season 9, because that doesn't count. (Let's be real, season 9 doesn't count.) I'm talking about the original intro from season 1, with the bad stills where Scully and Mulder both have fluffy hair and pink cheeks. I'm talking about the intro with the dramatic zoom on a low quality image of a UFO. This is what makes The X-Files what it is. It's a little campy, a little silly, but 100% the love of my life, and I was so happy to see it return.
 3. Mulder's Dad jokes. Yeah, they're back. And I'm still crying about it.
 4. They're back in Mulder's tiny office, with a few updates. (But never fear, the poster remains.)

 The characters.
 Right from the get-go, it is obvious that something has happened between Mulder and Scully. We don't know what it is yet, but they're older, and they've definitely both changed. While I will admit that I miss their sexually charged banter a little bit, I'm glad for it, because it means that Chris Carter has stopped doing what he loved to do so much in the past seasons-- brush past huge moments and events like they never happened. They're acknowledging that Scully and Mulder are older and wiser adults who have been through things together and have been changed by it. (Case in point: THEY BROUGHT UP WILLIAM! IN DEPTH! WOW!) I'm interested to see them struggle with their pasts while they handle the events of the present. At the end of the day, though, our original OTP remains the same at their core. Scully is a skeptic, while Mulder is closer than he's ever been before.

 The plot.
 The conspiracy is back, guys. OH, the conspiracy! I love that this is a show about aliens but we see them so infrequently that when they finally do show one you are gripping your boyfriend's hand and shrieking with glee. (Or is that just me?) The (current) horror genre could learn so much from this show. You don't need constant gore and violence to be scary or thrilling. The X-Files has done it with bad lighting and laughable CGI for years. But I love that, in the end, this is a show about aliens that contests that aliens aren't the problem here. It's people. More specifically, it's the US government. I can't wait to see it unfold, especially if the *spoiler alert* cigarette smoking man is involved.

 In short, the revival is nostalgic. It gives credit where credit is due, makes the long-time viewers cry at the easter eggs, but wastes no time moving forward with big and important plot. It was beautiful and just as exciting as the original, but with new twists and progression that we've been waiting for. It seems that Chris Carter is finally getting his shit together and is going to tell us what he means for once. The revival uses technological advances and better budget to it's advantage, while maintaining the X-Files vibe, pace, and wit we all know and love. It's the best of both worlds, but most importantly, this doesn't feel like a one off. I think Chris Carter knew he had one shot at this, and he's aiming for more than just a single tiny miniseries. Judging from the enormity of these first two episodes, I think they want to return, in a big way.

 I, for one, can't wait.

The truth is out there.

 -Fran

New Year, New Vibes

 There are few things I love more than the good energy that is gained through organization and mindfulness. When the clock turned 2016, it wasn't like I had time, or even a second, to pause and take a breath. I had things to do and accomplish right away, and a limited amount of time in which to get them done. So, I had to jump right in to 2016, and make sure I was adequately organized in order to keep myself together. With that in mind, these are some of the practices and products that have been keeping me on track going into the new year, and tricking me into feeling like I have my life together.

1. A Weekly Calendar-- I picked up this monthly and weekly calendar book by Sugar Paper from Target on January 2nd, when I realized that my old one was (literally) outdated. It has a place for your Monthly work goals, financial goals, personal goals, and important dates. In the weekly section, it has spaces for your top three most important things to accomplish, a list of calls you need to make, a to do list, a to email list, a to buy list, a don't forget category, and a "this week's goal" space. This might seem excessive, but in the three weeks I've been using it I've found that just writing things out helps to make it seem so much more manageable. Even the fullest of weeks, the ones with so many things you feel like you might as well not even try, are manageable.This is helping me to not only keep my plans and meetings straight, but keep on task with my greater goals in life.

2. Meditation and Yoga-- I've been doing each a few times a week, and I can't tell you how much it's been helping. It's so easy to say, "no, I don't have time for yoga today, I have way too much to do!" But it doesn't really help. I've realized that those are just lies we tell ourselves. We always have time. And if we don't spend those fifteen minutes doing yoga, chances are we'll find another way to spend those minutes on something much less productive somewhere throughout the course of the day. So you might as well just bite the bullet and make the time for it. I do yoga in the morning on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and meditate a few nights a week right before I fall asleep. I feel so much better and more centered on the days I choose to begin with a simple fifteen minute yoga video.

3. Himalayan Salt Lamp-- I know it's very new age hipster of me, but I recently caved and bought one. (And not for $40 from Urban Outfitters either. If you're thinking of buying one, I'd recommend checking out Home Depot or The Christmas Tree Shops, because I got mine for $19.99.) I'm sure you've heard all about how the negative ions make things better for both your body and the energy around you. But I can attest to the fact that it actually works. I feel more energized when I'm around it, I'm sleeping better, and the air feels purer and cleaner. Anyway, if the scientifically proven health benefits aren't tempting enough, it's guaranteed to look really nice in any room.

 I hope you found this blog post as enlightening as I have found these practices and products lately. (Pun definitely intended.) I'm loving my bedroom space especially, and even though Mercury is Retrograde, I feel on top of things. I'm feeling balanced and ready for the new year and new challenges ahead. I'm not quite sure if that's all the negative ions talking, or the fact that I actually have time to make myself a cup of tea and enjoy it these days, but I'm happy about it nonetheless.

And who knows, maybe trying a few of these things will help you feel that even though it's a new year, it doesn't have to be the same old, same old.

Namaste, I suppose.

 -Fran

N e w // Y e a r

2 0 1 6

 Tonight my life felt like the end of The Holiday, which is all I've ever really dreamed for my life to be. My entire life, well, my entire adolescence really, I've dreamed for my life to feel, be, and look like a movie. And it was only recently that I realized that life isn't like that. It's messy. It's hard. People get hurt, things don't turn out the way you expect them to, accidents happen and stuff just sucks. But you choose to forgive, you choose to get back up, you choose to keep going, and one day, you realize that you left all of the bad stuff in the past.

 2015 was a year of moving on. Moving forward, taking no prisoners, and working my butt off until I got what I wanted. No one gave it to me...I worked for it. And so did the people I surrounded myself with. I'm lucky that in 2015, I found people who dream as big as I do, and are willing to work just as hard to get it. We are all on the same path-- this path to greatness, this path to dreams coming true and our lives turning out like the movies we see in our heads. And I think finding these people who dream just as big and work just as hard has helped me on my path. Because now I don't feel so alone anymore. I used to think that I was "on my own path." And I thought that meant my life was going to be a lonely one, a solitary journey if you will. But this year I learned that not only does that not have to be the case, if things keep going the way they have been...it most certainly won't be.

 Last night I stumbled upon this word: synchronicity. It is, according to the ever-trustworthy internet: the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.  

 It is essentially saying that we assign meaning where there is none. But sometimes, there is meaning. I think the word synchronicity is cynical. (Say that five times fast.) Maybe I'm just nostalgic and overtired, but I think it's beautiful, the vulnerability of allowing yourself to feel. Over the course of 2015 I kept a jar of memories. Anytime something significant, fun, or particularly noteworthy happened, I wrote it down on a little slip of paper, remembering to include the date. This morning, on the first day of the New Year, I read through them all for the first time since I wrote each of them, some from January 1st, some from December 25th. There was no order, so I frequently pulled slips from random months. One from January, one from August. One from April, one from September. May, August. October, February. Seeing an entire year of my life compiled into such a small space and juxtaposed with no chronology made me realize how much really happened in the last 12 months. So many significant events, non-events, moments, friendships, relationships, mishaps, and joy. It was overwhelming to read a slip of paper from January in which I talk about finishing my first short film, and then in the next read about how I had just pitched Overdue to the library board and it had been unanimously approved. The hopeful ones made me the most emotional. It was like reading a beloved book when you already know the ending. It's not boring, but happy. You know what's going to happen, but you keep reading anyway, because it's so sweetly satisfying. It's weird to say that I felt that about my own life today. Weird, but cool. So maybe this is synchronicity in action, and I'm a silly, sappy, hopeless romantic who is bound to be disappointed by the random and uncaring nature of the universe. 

If that's the case, I may be hopeless, but I'm still hopeful. 

Happy 2016. 

 -Fran

This Week [#4: Coming Together]

 Though not technically the fourth week in this series, it's my fourth week of making this style of blog post. Sometimes the weeks get away from you, which is why I'm trying to make the effort to work on this each day of the week, which ensures the mindfulness I'm after.

 Monday: Treating yourself to a self-love day. Starting the day with a bath, writing some essays, and taking a long walk that takes you both to where you've been and where you are. It's a weird, metaphorical day.

 Tuesday: The day when you breathe a sigh of relief at all of the "FINALLY"'s coming your way. FINALLY finding the perfect Christmas presents for the people in your life who deserve it so much. FINALLY painting again, even if it's something small, after close to a year of not picking up a brush. FINALLY seeing the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them trailer, after two years of eagerly anticipating the Eddie Redmayne led return to the Wizarding World you've loved your whole life. FINALLY working on that essay you said you'd start all day.  Finally, finally, finally.

 Wednesday: Tackling huge problems that feel like the end of the world, and realizing the people that validate and support you most aren't necessarily the people you'd expect.

 Thursday: Crushing it. Accomplishing all of the things you put off, then having a miniature Star Wars re-watch and deciding you love Han Solo (among others).

 Friday: To grandmother's house we go. Nearly freezing to death taking pictures by a lake you've loved your whole life, with someone who you've just begun to love. Realizing that it doesn't take much to make certain people happy, but what matters is that you choose to do it.

 Saturday: Finally feeling useful and watching your friends' business grow and thrive in front of your eyes. Then watching the person you love geek the hell out over Star Wars, and loving it because of how much you love him.

  Sunday: Having hard conversations, watching an iconic Diane Keaton movie, and correctly guessing the writer of said movie. (Nancy Meyers for the win.)

 It's fascinating to me how easily stressful things can become fun and beautiful when you're with the right people. I used to dread trips to see extended family. But Friday I had the best time I've ever had at my grandparent's house. Maybe it's that I've grown up, and maybe it's because of who I was with, and maybe it's both. Ordinarily, I would be horrified by a movie theater packed with overly excited nerds. Saturday, it wasn't at all scary. It was beautiful and fun and light and full of giddy happiness. This week I realized something I've suspected for a while: people are the difference.

 -Fran

This Week [#3: Family]

This holiday week/weekend was a time of figuring out what "family" means, and what it means to me. It really feels like that's what this week was about, because from beginning to end, that's the message that kept cropping up.

 Mondays: Watching great shows and having adult realizations that make you want to lay on the floor, give up, and die.

 Tuesdays: Watching The Mindy Project while you bake, which you feel like Mindy would definitely approve of.

Wednesdays: Reading great graphic novels, reuniting with friends, and going to impromptu Friendsgiving gatherings with the great best friend love of your life and getting Panera at 10 pm because you're cool like that.

Thursdays: When your favorite holiday always falls on your favorite day of the week and you have a kind of crappy day but you eat pie and hang out with a two year old who loves you despite the fact that you're imperfect and it makes it all better.

Fridays: Watching a movie about emotions with your family, crying your eyes out, and then going to bed early.

Saturdays: Telling your friends you're in aisle 20B when you're actually sitting at a table waiting for them and you didn't think they'd actually go there but they did. And then playing a card game you've been playing with your family for years and feeling like this small group of weirdos just might be your new family.

Sundays: Watching TV and napping. Eating. 

(Rinse and repeat until it's 10 pm and you're too tired to do it anymore.) Question: If it's a Sunday and you're actually a productive member of society, was it really a Sunday?

 It's weird when you get to an age where "family" is no longer the extended family you were born into, but the extended family you choose. I think how our culture defines family is arbitrary. I think we make our own families, and I think it's pointless to love people just because you're supposed to. It means a lot more when you choose them yourself, when you choose to love people despite how hard it might be sometimes. My family has become much more than my parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles. It now consists of: Starbucks employees, coffee shop owners, musicians, writers, artists and generally beautiful people (inside and out). It's people who call you on their break when you're having your third existential crisis of the week, it's people who you'd drive an hour and a half just to see for two hours, it's people who sit down and help force you to write because they get that you're having trouble doing it on your own, it's people who play cards with you in an emptying Wegmans on a Saturday night because there's nowhere else to go. These people are my family. 

 -Fran