Change.

   I'm feeling this effervescent joy and excitement right now. I love these people. I feel so high when I'm with them. And I can't wait for you all to see the project we made together.

 But it makes me so scared because people leave and things change and nothing is ever as it was before. That's the one thing that always stays the same. Change. It's hard for me to do real life sometimes because I often confuse excitement with anxiety. So I think things are bad when really they're pretty great. That's how I felt this summer. Except for once I knew I had a good thing and it was cool, but now it's over and I'm sad.

 I know this isn't your typical blog post, full of optimism and excitement and facts and intelligence. It's just feelings and me being too pretentious for my own good. But sometimes I have those and feel the urge to share them with you.

 -Fran

Overdue...For Real This Time.

  This is the last hurrah. Tonight was our Overdue Cast & Crew party, and Sunday our co-director Monica leaves for school. Wednesday Andrew leaves for school. Thursday, Laura. So on a night such as this, you can bet I'm feeling pretty nostalgic. 

  What I’ve learned over the course of filming this web series about feeling "Overdue" for something more, (an undertaking of which I had no idea the enormity) is that this place doesn’t suck. This place doesn’t and the people especially don’t. I’m going to miss them all so much when they leave for their respective schools and places, but I’m just so glad I got the chance to know them all. I never thought I'd find a group of creative people with whom I want to spend my whole life making things. But I think I have. You can watch my video thanking them all individually here.

  I also learned that there are opportunities everywhere. They just may not present themselves to you in pretty little packages. You might have to work for them. You might have to carve them out of the stone yourself. You might have to find the stone on your own first, down some rocky, overgrown, dirt-ridden path. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. So if you’re feeling lost, look. Because you have the creativity and imagination and willpower to do ANYTHING. So find something to set your mind to, and do it.

 -Fran

What I've Been Watching #4

  So my recently watched movies have all had one thing in common. They’re all (in some way or other) about women on journeys. 

  The first is Wild. I kind of got this movie on a whim, and I didn’t really plan on loving it. But, boy did I. It made me want to hike across the desert and find myself. It also made me cry my eyes out. The use of music and other textural cinematography as a way of triggering memories was beautifully done. Reese Witherspoon’s performance was amazing, and definitely deserving of the Oscar nomination.

  Next up is Cake. Again with a stellar performance by a female actress. Jennifer Anniston absolutely crushed it in this movie. Her portrayal of chronic illness was real, raw, and absolutely believable. Her performance was likable even though her character really wasn’t. This movie was actually surprisingly funny, given the dark and stigmatized subject matter. It also portrayed an accurate and acute depiction of PTSD and trauma, which I really appreciated.

  And last but certainly not least, Ex Machina.  Okay so...this movie is about artificial intelligence. That's how they marketed it anyway, to get the predominantly male audience in the seats. But that's not what it's really about. I hesitate to even tell you what it was truly about, because it was such a lovely surprise. If you're like me, and need someone to tell you how to feel about the end of this movie, I'd highly recommend this article, which I stumbled upon after finishing the film. It's brilliantly written, and answered every one of my burning "But what? How? Why?" questions. 

  But if you have seen the movie, and for my own peace of mind, here's what I thought- it was about women. And how we as a culture put women in boxes, put women behind glass, make them prove themselves a thousand times over a thousand different ways, make them answer a million invasive questions, and force them to use whatever means necessary to escape. I found myself crying a lot at this film, and I consequently found myself wondering why I was crying over a robot. But then I realized...in the end the message was really about womanhood and femininity and this culture that traps us behind glass and wants us to thank them for it. It was just surprising to feel "YAS GIRL YAS" at the end of a movie about artificial intelligence. 

  And that’s all for this blog post! I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

-Fran

A Weekend At The Lake Keeps The Doctor Away

  So for the past two months, I’ve spent practically all my time at work. Well, my place of work. Not only do I typically work at the library Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, but I have also been picking up shifts as my co-workers have taken their summer vacations. But then I've spent every OTHER spare moment I've had at the library as well. For filming. Monday and Wednesday nights, when I don't usually work, we've been there filming. Friday nights, Saturdays, and Sundays, we've been there filming. 

  And even though this was very much of my own free will, and most of the time it has been SO MUCH fun, I was still more than eager to get away this past weekend. We went to my family’s lake house in the Finger Lakes, and I was so ready to completely disconnect. With no internet, no wi-fi, and barely any service to speak of, this was an opportunity to get back in touch with myself. To get in touch with nature. To reconnect with my family. To just be. And boy was that… uh, Overdue. (Excuse the pun. I am trash.) 

  After so many weeks in a row being consumed by schedules, scripts, and yes, anxiety, it was an extremely foreign yet delightful feeling to lay my head down on the pillow Friday night and realize I had nothing to do, think of, or worry about for the rest of the weekend. It was a much appreciated feeling. On Saturday I refused to get dressed aside from putting on a pair of "shorteralls" over my bathing suit. I swam in the lake, read on the dock, ate too much ice cream and watched Parks & Recreation in my back bedroom with the windows open and the fan on high. We played cards, roasted marshmallows over the fire, and I didn't shower for three days. Basically, it was a wonderful and much needed escape.

  I returned home on Sunday night feeling mildly refreshed but like I could have gladly stayed a few days longer. You can find my lake vlog here! They were my favorite videos to make last summer, and I had so much fun taking footage and putting it together this time around as well. Going into this new week, I'm excited to finally film the final episode of OVERDUE before I depart for my real vacation next week. This mini-vacation was just a taste of the relaxation I'll get to experience next week. And while I can't wait, I know I have some work to do before then.

So here's to getting shit done!

 -Fran

Trainwreck: A Review

  So Tuesday night I took a much needed filming break to see a movie with one of my best friends. My friend Krista and I had been eager to see Trainwreck since we saw the first trailer, and it didn't disappoint. Not only was it the perfect Girl's Night Out movie, but it was perfectly applicable to our lives, and how we feel about relationships at the moment. I flip back and forth between thinking I want a relationship and thinking there's nothing I want LESS. But I don't think that makes me a "Trainwreck." 

  One (admittedly nitpicky) thing I didn't like was that Amy Schumer's character has to be considered a "Trainwreck." I know throughout the course of the movie you discover that she's actually not, she's pretty normal...or what is considered the norm for men, anyway. But I am a firm believer that the language we use to identify and classify is extremely important. So by calling her a "Trainwreck," we imply that women who act like men are unnatural, and akin to a transportation disaster. That kind of thinking is hypocritical, sexist, and there's something extremely wrong with it. Although I do understand that there are only so many title options. Judd Apatow couldn't very well call this film, "A woman who acts like a man..." but I think there could've been a better option than likening her to a literal disaster.

  Anyway, let's get into all the reasons why I loved this movie, without giving away any spoilers. 

  1) There was no girl on girl hate. 

  2) It was the most body-positive romantic comedy I've ever seen. No comments were made about Amy Schumer's body size. There was never a fat joke, and she never needed to be told that she was beautiful. She was confident and comfortable in her own skin, and that was something really refreshing and honestly inspiring to see in a movie whose target audience is (young) women. 

  3) It was sex-positive. I'm so sick of this (genderized) hypocrisy when it comes to sex. In our culture it seems that women aren't permitted to deny sex, but if they dare to enjoy it they're considered sluts. As Allison so astutely put it in John Hughes' The Breakfast Club, "It's a trap." Amy Schumer's character is therefore so refreshing. She's a leading lady who likes sex and isn't afraid to say so, and at no point in the movie does anyone other than herself accuse her of being a slut for it. That is to say, there was no slut-shaming of any kind. 

  4) The overall message of the movie was the kind of feminism I want to see. Basically it was this: "If you wanna date, get it girl. If you wanna have casual sex, get it girl. If you wanna get married and have babies, get it girl." That's what I walked away thinking, and I feel like that's really cool. No one should be shamed for what they want. Whether we're talking about slut shaming or marriage and baby shaming, it all has to go. 

  Essentially, this film was a commentary on the consumerist romance culture we have in our society today, and the negative effects it can have on us. I think most women (and probably men, but I can only speak for women) feel this immense pressure to live up to movies and tv shows when it comes to romance and relationships. And that's such a tall order, we don't even know where to begin. So we don't. So we're often left sad and terrified about feeling unable to participate in love. But really it's society that has the problem, not us. That's why so many of the moments in this film were so poignant. Amy Schumer is funny while also being intensely down to earth, relatable, and real. I'd definitely want to get waffles with her. 

 -Fran

Always Time To Do It Over...

                                 
  So…filming a web series. It seems like that's all I ever talk about anymore, but that's because it's all I ever do anymore. And with so many overlapping schedules and ever-dwindling time left in the summer, time has been the number one thing on my mind. How much we have, how much we don’t have, how much we can do with what we have left.

  I expressed these feelings to my friend Sam on Friday evening, before we began the massive undertaking of attempting to film an entire episode in one weekend. And he very astutely said, "There's always time to do it over, never time to do it right." Which was, essentially, exactly what I needed to hear. And he was completely right. There's always time to shoot and film the same scene over and over again. So if there's time for that, isn't there also time to get it done right the first time? It was a good thing to keep in mind over the course of a fifteen hour filming weekend. In the end, we got more done than I even dared to hope for. On Saturday alone, we filmed 90% of the third (and most daunting) episode of OVERDUE.

  Come Sunday, however, I was exhausted. After so much time off in the past two years, with only working at the library to keep me occupied, I never thought I'd be so grateful for a day off. Time to just sit around, take a bath, read and watch tv. But Sunday was that much needed break, and I loved it. It was especially satisfying because I knew we had done so much the day before, and I had therefore earned it. I ended up spending the entire day on the couch, watching The X-Files and editing the next few scripts. (I can't help it. I have to be a tiny bit productive every day.) I watched 10 episodes and prepared the scripts for the next few weeks. And even though that was literally all I did all day, I'm happy about it.

  Heading into yet another daunting filming weekend, I'm most certainly going to keep Sam's sage words of advice in mind. Just breathe and focus, Fran. There's always time to do it over, but never time to do it right.

  I realize this blog post has been more of a pep-talk to myself than anything else, but it's what I need right now. So I hope you don't mind.

  -Fran

A Balanced (& Busy) Bee

  I have been SO BUSY. Between filming my web series, reading, writing, watching The X-Files and of course hanging out with friends and enjoying the summer, I feel like I’ve barely been home at all this month. Which is kind of great but also kind of exhausting.

  Work: Filming the web series has been an exhausting but worthwhile experience. It has taken up every single evening and weekend I’ve had to spare, but I’m okay with it, because I think we’re going to have something really awesome in the end. In other creative news, I'm planning an art project with my friend Cole. I've never done a piece of art with someone else before, so I'm simultaneously excited and scared. I love painting and making art in general, but I haven't put brush to canvas in nearly 2 years. Other things (like writing and video-making) have taken up that time, so I'm excited to have motivation to get back into it again.

  Friends: This past weekend I went to the Finger Lakes Lavender Festival, which I also went to with friends last year. We picked fresh lavender, had some pretty photoshoots and pretended to be the members of Haim. (Or at least I did...) I got a sunburn due to my alabaster complexion, which I didn’t discover until I went to a pool party later. But hey, what’s summer without a few mistakes, right? On Sunday I went to brunch with my friends Kelsey, Sam, and Andrew, and from there we went to see Kelsey and Sam's brand-new roasting location for Peaks Coffee Company. It's a small space, but the perfect starter location. I'm just so proud of my best friend and all she's accomplished in the past year. We both had rocky starts to our first year post-high school, but we had each other. And now I'm happy to say that we're both on our way to doing what we want to do. We're getting there. Slowly but surely, we're getting there.

  R&R: Just today I learned that I could connect my computer to the tv and have dual screens. I’m currently watching an episode of The X-Files with my brother while I write this. I’ve also been reading a lot more. I’ve always said that if I’m not reading, consistently reading, I feel pretty sad and dead inside. So needless to say I feel pretty good right now. I’m currently reading House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, a pretty huge undertaking, but I’m not doing it alone. I'm reading it with my friend Andrew, and we’ve been motivating each other to keep reading. The book is confusing and often terrifying, but having someone with whom I can discuss the insane plot has made things easier. I’ve never done a “buddy read” before, but I would definitely do it again, and I’m glad I decided to start with this book. Next, The X-Files. I’m not going to lie, I lost steam with it for a while there. Season 2 just got kind of boring and I had to stop for a while. But recently I picked it up again and realized that it’s everything I love. Conspiracy theories, spooky (unexplained) happenings, scary monsters, sexual tension, and aliens of course. I’m well into season 4, and am so glad I have nine seasons and 2 movies to distract me when I need some down time.

  Anyway, all of this is my long-winded way of saying that I'm happy, because I finally feel like I have this balance to my life. This balance of reading, writing, watching, working, and having fun that I've been so desperate for for a while now. Who knows, maybe I'll publish this post and all of that will fall apart, but for now it's really good. And so I just wanted to document the glorious existence of this mystical balance.

 -Fran