8/28/15

  On this momentous day, I want to tell you about another day. A day that wasn’t as fun and easy. A day that was hard. It was only a few weeks ago, but it feels like a lifetime because with these people every moment is so full of life that I feel like I’ve lived a thousand years in the past thirty days.

  Sunday, August 9th was the hardest day in a long time. Not since high school graduation have I felt so simultaneously happy, sad, nostalgic, and some other emotion I can’t totally identify. After finishing filming the final episode of OVERDUE (the last episode of the summer), we ate pizza at one of our cast member’s houses and hung out. And when it was time for me to leave, go home, and pack for my vacation, I didn’t want to go. Not because I wanted to stay longer. I was pretty tired and actually wanted to go home. But no, I didn’t want to leave because it felt so final. To leave for a whole week? For the first time in my life I actually felt like I was leaving something behind. Like I had reason to stay. So even though I was ready for a vacation, I wasn’t ready to leave my friends for a week. And that was really hard. 

 When I got in the car accident that (whether I like it or not) led me to this day, the biggest thing I remember was that the guy with whom I got in the accident got out of his car and shrugged at me as if to say, "What the f*ck, man?" And for a long time, that kept me up at night. I would wake up in the morning or in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and just burst into tears because I couldn't understand it. Why would someone, a teacher of all people, treat another human being with such disrespect, such unkindness? Why would he do that? How could he do that? I shed a lot of tears over that one. So as a result, I (whether consciously or not) became kind of a cynic. With that one shrug, I lost my faith in humanity a little bit. But over the past three months, I've regained it in spades. I've always wanted to be a good person. That's one thing the accident did for me. From that moment on, I decided I wanted to be someone who would treat a person with absolute kindness in that situation.

 And maybe I’m wrong, or overreacting, and none of this actually matters. But this just feels really significant. That a group of people would continuously show up, week in and week out, to help me make this thing happen. That two people who I didn't even know until three months ago would spend the past 48 hours working around the clock to make sure our sound was good. That someone who I was only casually acquainted with in May could now be considered one of my best friends. That these people who I barely even knew a year ago could cause me such pain (like cry my eyes out in the car listening to Taylor Swift, pain) in their leaving. This just feels like a really significant thing, a really significant time in my life. I want to mark that. And I just want to be as good to other people as they consistently are to me. That’s all I want to do.

  I hope you check out the first episode of OVERDUE, which will go live on my YouTube channel at 7 pm. If not for me, do it for all of the other people who worked tirelessly on it this summer.

With lots of love & anxiety,

-Fran

Change.

   I'm feeling this effervescent joy and excitement right now. I love these people. I feel so high when I'm with them. And I can't wait for you all to see the project we made together.

 But it makes me so scared because people leave and things change and nothing is ever as it was before. That's the one thing that always stays the same. Change. It's hard for me to do real life sometimes because I often confuse excitement with anxiety. So I think things are bad when really they're pretty great. That's how I felt this summer. Except for once I knew I had a good thing and it was cool, but now it's over and I'm sad.

 I know this isn't your typical blog post, full of optimism and excitement and facts and intelligence. It's just feelings and me being too pretentious for my own good. But sometimes I have those and feel the urge to share them with you.

 -Fran

Overdue...For Real This Time.

  This is the last hurrah. Tonight was our Overdue Cast & Crew party, and Sunday our co-director Monica leaves for school. Wednesday Andrew leaves for school. Thursday, Laura. So on a night such as this, you can bet I'm feeling pretty nostalgic. 

  What I’ve learned over the course of filming this web series about feeling "Overdue" for something more, (an undertaking of which I had no idea the enormity) is that this place doesn’t suck. This place doesn’t and the people especially don’t. I’m going to miss them all so much when they leave for their respective schools and places, but I’m just so glad I got the chance to know them all. I never thought I'd find a group of creative people with whom I want to spend my whole life making things. But I think I have. You can watch my video thanking them all individually here.

  I also learned that there are opportunities everywhere. They just may not present themselves to you in pretty little packages. You might have to work for them. You might have to carve them out of the stone yourself. You might have to find the stone on your own first, down some rocky, overgrown, dirt-ridden path. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. So if you’re feeling lost, look. Because you have the creativity and imagination and willpower to do ANYTHING. So find something to set your mind to, and do it.

 -Fran

What I've Been Watching #4

  So my recently watched movies have all had one thing in common. They’re all (in some way or other) about women on journeys. 

  The first is Wild. I kind of got this movie on a whim, and I didn’t really plan on loving it. But, boy did I. It made me want to hike across the desert and find myself. It also made me cry my eyes out. The use of music and other textural cinematography as a way of triggering memories was beautifully done. Reese Witherspoon’s performance was amazing, and definitely deserving of the Oscar nomination.

  Next up is Cake. Again with a stellar performance by a female actress. Jennifer Anniston absolutely crushed it in this movie. Her portrayal of chronic illness was real, raw, and absolutely believable. Her performance was likable even though her character really wasn’t. This movie was actually surprisingly funny, given the dark and stigmatized subject matter. It also portrayed an accurate and acute depiction of PTSD and trauma, which I really appreciated.

  And last but certainly not least, Ex Machina.  Okay so...this movie is about artificial intelligence. That's how they marketed it anyway, to get the predominantly male audience in the seats. But that's not what it's really about. I hesitate to even tell you what it was truly about, because it was such a lovely surprise. If you're like me, and need someone to tell you how to feel about the end of this movie, I'd highly recommend this article, which I stumbled upon after finishing the film. It's brilliantly written, and answered every one of my burning "But what? How? Why?" questions. 

  But if you have seen the movie, and for my own peace of mind, here's what I thought- it was about women. And how we as a culture put women in boxes, put women behind glass, make them prove themselves a thousand times over a thousand different ways, make them answer a million invasive questions, and force them to use whatever means necessary to escape. I found myself crying a lot at this film, and I consequently found myself wondering why I was crying over a robot. But then I realized...in the end the message was really about womanhood and femininity and this culture that traps us behind glass and wants us to thank them for it. It was just surprising to feel "YAS GIRL YAS" at the end of a movie about artificial intelligence. 

  And that’s all for this blog post! I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

-Fran

A Weekend At The Lake Keeps The Doctor Away

  So for the past two months, I’ve spent practically all my time at work. Well, my place of work. Not only do I typically work at the library Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, but I have also been picking up shifts as my co-workers have taken their summer vacations. But then I've spent every OTHER spare moment I've had at the library as well. For filming. Monday and Wednesday nights, when I don't usually work, we've been there filming. Friday nights, Saturdays, and Sundays, we've been there filming. 

  And even though this was very much of my own free will, and most of the time it has been SO MUCH fun, I was still more than eager to get away this past weekend. We went to my family’s lake house in the Finger Lakes, and I was so ready to completely disconnect. With no internet, no wi-fi, and barely any service to speak of, this was an opportunity to get back in touch with myself. To get in touch with nature. To reconnect with my family. To just be. And boy was that… uh, Overdue. (Excuse the pun. I am trash.) 

  After so many weeks in a row being consumed by schedules, scripts, and yes, anxiety, it was an extremely foreign yet delightful feeling to lay my head down on the pillow Friday night and realize I had nothing to do, think of, or worry about for the rest of the weekend. It was a much appreciated feeling. On Saturday I refused to get dressed aside from putting on a pair of "shorteralls" over my bathing suit. I swam in the lake, read on the dock, ate too much ice cream and watched Parks & Recreation in my back bedroom with the windows open and the fan on high. We played cards, roasted marshmallows over the fire, and I didn't shower for three days. Basically, it was a wonderful and much needed escape.

  I returned home on Sunday night feeling mildly refreshed but like I could have gladly stayed a few days longer. You can find my lake vlog here! They were my favorite videos to make last summer, and I had so much fun taking footage and putting it together this time around as well. Going into this new week, I'm excited to finally film the final episode of OVERDUE before I depart for my real vacation next week. This mini-vacation was just a taste of the relaxation I'll get to experience next week. And while I can't wait, I know I have some work to do before then.

So here's to getting shit done!

 -Fran