Last Week #2

 This week, I was pretty worried. Stressed. Anxious. There were a lot of things that needed to get done in a seemingly minuscule amount of time. I had meetings and projects to finish and a life to live in between all of that. I'm always feeling like there isn't enough time. Time to get things done, and time with the people I love especially. But at the end of this week, looking back on the footage, I realized that those moments, that time, was there. It existed, just on a smaller scale than I'd imagined. Than I'd like.

 My note to myself last week (I have a new one every week, a sort of weekly mantra that I can keep going back to throughout the week) was: "Nothing takes as long as you think. It's all manageable." I know that technically, some things take a long time, and I have to accept that. But sometimes the big things feel really big, and they create this huge road block in my mind that keeps me from thinking about anything else until they're done. So this reminder kept me grounded, calmed me down, and motivated me all at once.

 This week was good. It wasn't as eventful, as action packed and notably, viscerally fantastic as last week, but that's okay. The quiet moments keep you grounded and allow you to refuel for the next big ones. And they're coming my way. So I'm glad I had these last seven days to recharge and prepare for what's to come. I hope you enjoy the footage of these happy, relaxed moments. I enjoyed living them.

-Fran

Last Week #1

 I have been making weekly vlogs every week since about April of 2015, and I've decided I'm going to start sharing them with you here. This may become a Monday feature in the future, but for now, have it today. 

 My reminder to myself last week was, "To enjoy the moments in between the chaos. See how your hard work has paid off." And that's exactly what I did, incidentally enough. Last week was kind of everything I want my life to look like, all the time. I caught up with friends and teachers, I worked, I saw that work pay off in print, I watched shows I love, I spent quality alone time with the person I love, I challenged myself with new experiences, and I prepared the final episode of the show I've worked so hard on for the last year, for publication. I saw things coming to a close and things just beginning. This is what last week looked like.

 I can only hope to be so lucky that the coming weeks will hold more of the same challenges and celebrations as this one did.

-Fran

Not Over OVERDUE

 So...OVERDUE (my YouTube web series that has been premiering since August 2015) is over. The final episode went live on Friday night, March 25th, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. My emotions are a mixture of happy and sad, to be sure.

I mean, this project has taken up the last year of my life. And while there was a sadness that overtook me when we finished filming, the sadness I feel now is much more subtle, and yet greater. That sadness was palpable. This one is vague, rippling under the surface, overwhelming me in unexpected moments of vulnerability.

You all know that one of my favorite pastimes (because I am a nostalgic piece of garbage), is looking back. Seeing where I was then compared to where I sit now.

In August, I was terrified. I was afraid of people leaving and my life changing and new challenges and what all of these chances I was taking would mean for my future.

In March, I am still terrified, but more confident. I'm more sure of everything I'm doing. I'm surer with every passing day that what I'm doing is right for me.

In August, I had a little get-together at my house on the night the first episode was released. My good friends Sam and Kelsey were there with plenty of good food, as was Eli, the guy who made the theme song, who I didn't really know at that point. I sat next to him on the couch, unsure, uncomfortable, but wanting to be closer.

In March, that same group of four watched the final episode on my laptop in Sam & Kelsey's coffee shop. Then Sam, Kelsey, and Eli took me to dinner to celebrate. I sat close to Eli, knowing there wasn't a limit to how close I could get anymore.

 So much has changed, and so much has happened as a result of this show. This chance I took that I was scared every single day of ruining, of mucking up, has brought so much love and light and life into my world. And I think the fact that I'm so sad to see it go is an indicator of how right I was to take this chance, and a message to my future self to take more.

We're all overdue for something.
Maybe I was overdue for taking a few chances.

-Fran

P.S.- The playlist with all the episodes, minisodes, and trailers is right here, if you're interested in watching!

S I X M O N T H S

 In the last six months...

People moved away. People started a business. People quit their jobs. Two people started a relationship...and not only kept it going, but kept it growing. 

I know in relationship terms six months is barely anything. But for someone who has never been in one before (make that two someone's), it's everything. It can be summed up in the words he said to me on Monday: "Cause we've been dating for six months, and that's a big deal. And I don't want every six months to be a big deal, but years and years."

The fact is I've loved every second we've been together. Even the hard ones where one or both of us were in pain and we had to coax it out from where it was hiding and festering and see it, feel it, and even though it hurt, try to heal it. 

This has been a happy, painful, joyful, healing six months. So much has happened. And while I know I could do it all without him by my side, (I'm an independent woman after all: I lived 19 years without him, and I know I'm capable of more) I don't want to. We're right for each other. I can't wait for the coming moments, but I love the ones we're in. 

Yesterday we spent the day in Rochester, where it kind of all began for us six months ago. We went to three coffee shops in a row, and even though I don't drink coffee, I loved it. I love the coffee shop atmosphere, (as well as really good waffles and next-level tea) and I loved exploring new places with a person I love. Then we hit up this little crystal shop, where I went a little crazy but at the same time maybe I didn't go crazy enough. Last, but certainly not least, was Lush. I bought gifts for my sister for her birthday and "Treat Yo Self" gifts for me, which explains why the number on the receipt was so high. 

I finished the day by doing something that scared the life out of every cell in my body. I was a guest on a local YouTube show, The Life of Reilley, promoting OVERDUE. 

At the end of it, when I was feeling the adrenaline drain from my body and starting to slump over from exhaustion, I recalled what our dear friend Lottie told us to do as she left for California. To take care of ourselves and keep following our dreams. Yesterday I did both, and I'm just so glad I have this group of people to hold my hand while I do it. 

Eli, thanks for dating me. I love you and I like you more every day. 

Sam and Kelsey and Lottie and John, thanks for being my friend. You're the support system that my body wasn't built with, but needs nonetheless. 

I think it's important, whether you're in a relationship or not, to take a step back every few months and evaluate where you are now in comparison to where you were then. Because it's so easy to forget how far we've come, and downplay our achievements. But they're there, because we've made them happen. 


 -Fran

#Caiellafornia

 Yesterday, at approximately 8:45 am, I said goodbye to two of my favorite people. They got in the car and got on the road to their new life in California. I still don't quite have the words to describe how I feel about the whole experience. But I'm going to give it a try anyway.

 Over the past few months, no, since about May of 2015, I've gotten closer and closer to these people until it felt like we were this tight-knit group. My whole life, I've kind of been looking for this group. I've been a part of friend groups and have great friends who I love and will always love, but I think I've been looking for this particular creative, passionate group of do-ers for a while. In 2015, I found it. Or more accurately, we built it. We built our friendship on one fundamental commonality: our dreams. Even though our passions and goals are in a variety of different categories and genres, they all have one thing in common: creativity. We are all actively pursuing creative careers, creative dreams. We know how scary and unsound that is, but we're doing it anyway. So even though one of us wants to be a graphic designer and another a musician and another a writer and another a filmmaker and two others coffee shop owners, we all have in common the passionate pursual of those creative dreams.

 In October two members of our group, Sam and Kelsey, made their dream a reality. Peaks Coffee Company opened it's doors on October 3rd, 2015. Right around then, Lottie and John got word that they might have the opportunity to move to California for the type of job John had always dreamed of. Yesterday they departed on that journey. I feel like Eli and I are still working on making ours happen. Being an artist is weird, because it's so intangible. Every little victory feels enormous at the time, but you look back on it and feel that it wasn't that big of a deal. But it's important to remember that every little victory is a brick in the road building to a bigger one. So I think we're on our way. 

 Yesterday Lottie made us promise that we'd take care of ourselves and keep following our dreams. I didn't have any huge New Year's resolutions for 2016, but I think I just found the one I will be actively pursuing this year. For Lottie, and for the people in my life who are constantly striving to make theirs better. To keep growing. To keep learning. To keep saying yes. That's what this admittedly difficult change has taught me. Lottie & John just said HECK YES to the biggest, scariest change imaginable. They packed up their baby dog and their hopes and fears and dreams in one little car and went for it. And for that I find them endlessly inspiring. 

 Before yesterday, I've never had the experience of crying after a friend has left. I always thought that was because I'm a loner, or emotionless, or something. But after they pulled out of the Peaks parking lot and hit the road, Kelsey and I had a moment not unlike the end of The Holiday. We were both Jude Law, crying helplessly in the back room. While right now I'm mourning the physical departure of two people who understood me in ways I never thought possible, I am also rejoicing in their success at the same time, and feeling grateful for the fact that I still have 4/6ths of our little squad here by my side. 

 Friendship is a really weird, ambiguous thing that I don't think I'll ever understand. But I'm excited to keep learning and growing with these people, whether that's from opposite coasts or fifteen minutes down the road.

 -Fran

The Truth is Out There: The X-Files Revival Review

 I am embarrassed to admit just how long it took me to figure out what to write about this morning. I sat at the kitchen table for a few minutes thinking, I have nothing to talk about! And then it hit me. The X-Files just started up again! *face palm*

 If you've been reading this blog for ANY amount of time you'll know that I love The X-Files. I started watching it in the late winter of 2015, and was finished by September. (Most people call this time "spring," but since that doesn't exist in CNY I won't call it that.) This show about aliens and government conspiracy was my best friend and closest companion all summer. Over the summer I liked to joke that I didn't need a boyfriend because I was in a committed relationship with The X-Files. Funnily enough, half the reason my boyfriend and I started dating is because I told him to watch The X-Files, he did, and he loved it as much as I do. The rest is history.

 So Sunday night, on the fateful day this glorious show was set to return, I was ready. I didn't appreciate the fact that the football game ran over and into my allotted X-Files time, which is easily my worst nightmare... but the show was worth the wait. I had a friend who saw the premier episode at New York City Comic Con a few months back, who assured me that it was amazing, but I couldn't know that until I saw it for myself.

 I can sum up my feelings in four simple words: It felt the same. It felt like the good old X-Files we all know and love, but shinier and new. For that reason, it was almost better. It felt so current, so now, so rooted in current events. Watching the old episodes is like this lovely nostalgic little game, where you laugh at the bad graphics but keep coming back for the consistently interesting plot and sexual tension. This was a whole new ball game (please laugh at this pun) because while the plot and writing were still as great as ever, the graphics, lighting, camera work were all better. This is probably due to new technology, and a higher budget. Regardless, it was just incredible to see The X-Files get the treatment it deserves.

 Now for the details. If you don't want to know anything (none of this would be spoilers anyway but still) then don't read on.

 The fun stuff.
 1. I loved seeing Scully, Mulder and even Skinner deal with modern technology. It was adorable and hilarious, especially considering that the last time we saw them iPhones or iPads weren't really as everywhere as they are today.
 2. The intro is back! And I don't mean the intro from season 9, because that doesn't count. (Let's be real, season 9 doesn't count.) I'm talking about the original intro from season 1, with the bad stills where Scully and Mulder both have fluffy hair and pink cheeks. I'm talking about the intro with the dramatic zoom on a low quality image of a UFO. This is what makes The X-Files what it is. It's a little campy, a little silly, but 100% the love of my life, and I was so happy to see it return.
 3. Mulder's Dad jokes. Yeah, they're back. And I'm still crying about it.
 4. They're back in Mulder's tiny office, with a few updates. (But never fear, the poster remains.)

 The characters.
 Right from the get-go, it is obvious that something has happened between Mulder and Scully. We don't know what it is yet, but they're older, and they've definitely both changed. While I will admit that I miss their sexually charged banter a little bit, I'm glad for it, because it means that Chris Carter has stopped doing what he loved to do so much in the past seasons-- brush past huge moments and events like they never happened. They're acknowledging that Scully and Mulder are older and wiser adults who have been through things together and have been changed by it. (Case in point: THEY BROUGHT UP WILLIAM! IN DEPTH! WOW!) I'm interested to see them struggle with their pasts while they handle the events of the present. At the end of the day, though, our original OTP remains the same at their core. Scully is a skeptic, while Mulder is closer than he's ever been before.

 The plot.
 The conspiracy is back, guys. OH, the conspiracy! I love that this is a show about aliens but we see them so infrequently that when they finally do show one you are gripping your boyfriend's hand and shrieking with glee. (Or is that just me?) The (current) horror genre could learn so much from this show. You don't need constant gore and violence to be scary or thrilling. The X-Files has done it with bad lighting and laughable CGI for years. But I love that, in the end, this is a show about aliens that contests that aliens aren't the problem here. It's people. More specifically, it's the US government. I can't wait to see it unfold, especially if the *spoiler alert* cigarette smoking man is involved.

 In short, the revival is nostalgic. It gives credit where credit is due, makes the long-time viewers cry at the easter eggs, but wastes no time moving forward with big and important plot. It was beautiful and just as exciting as the original, but with new twists and progression that we've been waiting for. It seems that Chris Carter is finally getting his shit together and is going to tell us what he means for once. The revival uses technological advances and better budget to it's advantage, while maintaining the X-Files vibe, pace, and wit we all know and love. It's the best of both worlds, but most importantly, this doesn't feel like a one off. I think Chris Carter knew he had one shot at this, and he's aiming for more than just a single tiny miniseries. Judging from the enormity of these first two episodes, I think they want to return, in a big way.

 I, for one, can't wait.

The truth is out there.

 -Fran

New Year, New Vibes

 There are few things I love more than the good energy that is gained through organization and mindfulness. When the clock turned 2016, it wasn't like I had time, or even a second, to pause and take a breath. I had things to do and accomplish right away, and a limited amount of time in which to get them done. So, I had to jump right in to 2016, and make sure I was adequately organized in order to keep myself together. With that in mind, these are some of the practices and products that have been keeping me on track going into the new year, and tricking me into feeling like I have my life together.

1. A Weekly Calendar-- I picked up this monthly and weekly calendar book by Sugar Paper from Target on January 2nd, when I realized that my old one was (literally) outdated. It has a place for your Monthly work goals, financial goals, personal goals, and important dates. In the weekly section, it has spaces for your top three most important things to accomplish, a list of calls you need to make, a to do list, a to email list, a to buy list, a don't forget category, and a "this week's goal" space. This might seem excessive, but in the three weeks I've been using it I've found that just writing things out helps to make it seem so much more manageable. Even the fullest of weeks, the ones with so many things you feel like you might as well not even try, are manageable.This is helping me to not only keep my plans and meetings straight, but keep on task with my greater goals in life.

2. Meditation and Yoga-- I've been doing each a few times a week, and I can't tell you how much it's been helping. It's so easy to say, "no, I don't have time for yoga today, I have way too much to do!" But it doesn't really help. I've realized that those are just lies we tell ourselves. We always have time. And if we don't spend those fifteen minutes doing yoga, chances are we'll find another way to spend those minutes on something much less productive somewhere throughout the course of the day. So you might as well just bite the bullet and make the time for it. I do yoga in the morning on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and meditate a few nights a week right before I fall asleep. I feel so much better and more centered on the days I choose to begin with a simple fifteen minute yoga video.

3. Himalayan Salt Lamp-- I know it's very new age hipster of me, but I recently caved and bought one. (And not for $40 from Urban Outfitters either. If you're thinking of buying one, I'd recommend checking out Home Depot or The Christmas Tree Shops, because I got mine for $19.99.) I'm sure you've heard all about how the negative ions make things better for both your body and the energy around you. But I can attest to the fact that it actually works. I feel more energized when I'm around it, I'm sleeping better, and the air feels purer and cleaner. Anyway, if the scientifically proven health benefits aren't tempting enough, it's guaranteed to look really nice in any room.

 I hope you found this blog post as enlightening as I have found these practices and products lately. (Pun definitely intended.) I'm loving my bedroom space especially, and even though Mercury is Retrograde, I feel on top of things. I'm feeling balanced and ready for the new year and new challenges ahead. I'm not quite sure if that's all the negative ions talking, or the fact that I actually have time to make myself a cup of tea and enjoy it these days, but I'm happy about it nonetheless.

And who knows, maybe trying a few of these things will help you feel that even though it's a new year, it doesn't have to be the same old, same old.

Namaste, I suppose.

 -Fran