Last Week #7 | Close Calls

Last week was simultaneously stressful and not. Let me break it down for you.

#1: Monday was great. 

 Soleil Cafe had a fantastic opening day (you can read more about that here), and my improv class went well again. I'm learning so much from that class, and not just about acting. It is helping me in my everyday life. In my thought processes, in my relationships, in my communication with others. 

#2: I got pulled over for speeding, but didn’t get a speeding ticket. 

 For someone who struggles with driving, this was horrifying. But I guess it could be considered a wake up call? Honestly, I spend a lot of time driving nowadays, with a 30 minute commute between my home and Peaks, or my home and my boyfriend's house. And I guess I'm constantly feeling like I don't have enough time, or (we) don't have enough time, so I try to make up that lost time in the car. Which is stupid. So that experience was upsetting, and bad, but maybe also good.

#3: Someone hit my car while it was parked in a parking lot. 

 Ugh. This is nothing but bad, really, except for the fact that their insurance will pay for it and it wasn't my fault at all. It's just yet another way in which I'm feeling overwhelmed about driving again recently. 

#4: That same night, I saw Captain America: Civil War. 

 A movie I'd been anticipating since about 2010. You can read more about that here, but just know that it was the pick-me-up experience I needed after all these car-related disasters this week. 

#5: Friday, I finally finished something that's been on my To-Do List for 3 weeks straight now.    Revising the first 50 pages of my in-progress novel for a novel workshop class I'm taking at school. This is the final step, the final assignment for the class before the end of the semester, and it's been by far the hardest one. Making significant changes to a work that has consumed your creative mind for nearly two years is never easy. But Friday I made it to page 52. And though it still needs some fine tuning before I send it in on May 15th, I'm proud of the progress I made this week. 

All of these things are not things you'd know by watching my weekly vlogs. They no longer have a narrative (which I honestly like) and really only show the highs, rather than the lows. But these are the moments in-between the highs. The middles, and the lowest of the lows. So, now that you know it all, you can see the peaks right here: 

 -Fran

Civil War

 Moviegoing has made me kind of anxious lately. I don't know why, because the movie theater has always been one place where I never got anxious, but lately it's been almost crippling. I was randomly paranoid/anxious during Deadpool in February, and had to leave the theater before the end of The Jungle Book just a few weeks ago. And I've been feeling really down about it, because I've started to think that maybe I can't do this thing that I love anymore. Maybe I'm too broken, too fearful, too paranoid to go to the movies anymore.

 Truth be told, I guess I've always had a little bit of anxiety related to going to the movies, but it's really just small stuff like needing to be there 20 minutes early so I can pee and get a good seat. Never before have I felt so anxious and unsafe that I needed to leave. 

 All that considered, though, I'm never going to be the kind of girl who doesn't see a brand new Marvel movie opening weekend. So Thursday night, I found myself at an early showing of Captain America: Civil War, and I was more than a little anxious, for a few reasons. #1: My car had been hit while parked in my library parking lot just a few hours before; #2: I was in a tiny theater full of strangers; and #3: I was about to see the film adaptation of the first comic I'd ever read. You could say there were a few jitters. 

 But even though I looked over my shoulder more than a few times, and gripped my agate crystal rock the entire time, in the end, I made it through. And I was happy. The movie was everything I had hoped for, and was nothing close to the colossal letdown Age of Ultron had been last year. I got the Iron Man/ Captain America battle I'd been dreaming of, as well as validation for loving Captain America as much as I do. 

 I got a movie that was worth the anxiety, and I proved to myself that this isn't a battle I have to give up on. Anxiety is just that. A battle. Just when you think you have a handle on it, it changes its tactics, changes its mind, and you lose your grip on control of it once more. But much like Captain America, it's not gonna finish me off. And it's not gonna hold me back. 

 -Fran

Brew Brightness

 On a rainy Monday morning in May, Soleil Cafe began brewing brightness. I don't feel like I'm old enough to know people who own businesses that are changing the economic face of my area, but I do, and it's an incredible feeling. Sitting in Soleil on Monday morning, I felt so appreciative of the fact that there are young people I know who are so passionate about spreading positivity and rising above negativity and hate. 

 I could go on a rant about how this generation of Millennials (or whatever you want any to call us) work so hard, stay true to our message at all costs, and get none of the credit for it. All I have to say is, we're not going anywhere. And Monday was proof of that. Quality, hard work, and heart will always win out over mass produced quantity. 

#brewbrightness #peakinggoodcoffee

 -Fran

Last Week #6

 Last week was about enjoying the Peaks. It's easy to fall into a tired old routine and never want to stray from it simply because it's familiar. That's something I struggle with. Constantly. But this week I learned that baking brownie pie for friends and discovering newness in yourself and your relationships is never anything but great. 

 For instance, Monday I had my first ever improv class, which I was so incredibly nervous for but ended up so well. Though I had a fair amount of initial anxiety, by the end of the night I was glad I said yes to that opportunity, and followed through with it. 

 Friday, I said yes to another Peak. Literally. Filming the Kickstarter video for Peaks Coffee Company's new location at the crack of dawn, but getting shots that were so worth it. Witnessing moments throughout that I'll probably never forget. Spending a weekend with the people I love, relaxing, reveling in it all, and working to make their next endeavor a reality. 

 My favorite thing about my friends is that we never let each other say no to an opportunity that will be good for us. Even when it's hard, we always band together and figure out a way to make it happen, and make it happen well. We have each other's backs, and are constantly working to help make each other's dreams come true. They've taught me that life is about enjoying the Peaks and enduring the Valleys, and have not only ensured me but also shown me that they'll be there for both. 

 If you want to donate to a truly incredible company that believes in the power to change lives with a quality cup coffee, click here to watch (and donate!) to their Kickstarter. There a plenty of peaking good days ahead, and I'm looking forward to each and every one of them. 

#peakinggoodcoffee

-Fran

Last Week #5

Last week, I worked. (alt: werked)

I finished books, filmed reviews, edited and uploaded those reviews. I got up early and stayed up late.

I forced myself to work out. I did yoga. I meditated.

I kept myself calm even when my insides were screaming at me to run, to react, to get incredibly angry and frustrated when nothing was even wrong.

I asserted myself, and I didn't give up, even when I was really really freaking tired and just wanted to stay in bed watching Game of Thrones. I went to the writing group, and then I went one step further. I shared my work. On a whim, unprepared, scared out of my mind.

Finally, I surprised myself. More than just getting everything "done," I challenged myself. I said yes. When asked to share my work. When asked to go to a party. When I was faced with the choice to sit down and do nothing or get up and do more, I said yes, and I did more. I made it work.

I'm exhausted from last week. But I'm proud of it. Because I took the chances that needed to be taken, and said no to the ones that didn't.

 -Fran

Last Week #4

 Last week was a week of very high highs and very low lows. There was a weird mixture of celebration and crying. It was leisurely, and simultaneously full of work. It was balanced and unbalanced. It was indeterminable. I can't really tell you what last week was. I kind of have to show you.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here is last week.

 -Fran

Last Week #3

 Last week once again started out with a lot of anxiety. There was miscommunication and worry, but I did my best to resolve it as quickly as possible. Throughout the week I had great connections with people on the internet, who really came through for me and my online work.

 On Thursday, the Aries New Moon, I symbolically planted new life in OVERDUE by planting a succulent in the OVERDUE mug I was given by my co-director/producer/editor Monica at the end of filming this summer. It now brightens my day to see something growing out of something we made together.

 Friday I saw months of hard work pay off. We had a screening party for OVERDUE at the Cazenovia Public Library. I'm still not sure how to put into words how it went, or how I feel about it, and I can't really show you it because I idiotically forgot my camera battery at home on the biggest night of my recent life. But mostly, I think I just felt grateful. That I got to host this event at all, and share the work that I and my friends did over the summer with people who seemed genuinely interested in and impressed by it...but also that I got to do it with said friends. I was nervous as heck and I still don't really think I was the best hostess (I spent a lot of time in the back holding a small child and nervously drinking ginger ale) but I got to hold someone's hand while I watched myself awkwardly dance on an enormous projector. I got to do it with people I love.

 As the event went on, I relaxed and became more myself. So I think I'm going to challenge myself to do more of these, and hope that not only the events continue to get better, but I do as well. So here's to doing things that scare us, and doing them multiple times, and with fervor.

 This is what my life looked like this week. As usual, it's the in-between moments that are documented, not the events themselves. But I'm starting to think there's something to that.

 -Fran